Hi
My story! My mum lived in Spain for many years, last year she moved back to the UK. I was so pleased to have my mum back close by, She's 82 years old,I'm 53, this time last year she had what we thought was a chest infection which didn't seem to clear up, after 3 lung drains and a biopsy she was diagnosed with mesothelioma. Given 12-18 months. Until then she was a spritly lady going on daily walks and enjoyed shopping! I had heard this word three years earlier my Father in-law was diagnosed with the same he was given 12-18 months and sadly past away after 16 months.
Sadly mum is in constant pain, she is under the palliative care time at the hospital who are trying so hard to manage her pain. But so far it's not very successful She still lives independently, but can no longer do day to day jobs due to the breathlessness and pain,I care for her spending at least 5 hours a day with her sorting medication, housework etc and of course spending quality time with her. making happy memories when we can.I have a caring husband and daughter who help when they can but it's mainly me.
I keep positive when I'm with mum but deep inside I am crumbling, watching her deteriorate in front of my eyes is so sad, she can't walk far without getting tired (I'm trying to get her to agree to a wheelchair) I have that helpless feeling, we laugh, we cry, we talk I just try to make her feel as happy as she can. When asked how am I doing I explain it as though I'm on a treadmill and can't get off, also say I'm fine. I try not to be that negitve person also sounding down so to friends I say I'm okay or rarely say it's tough. I have my family but still feel so lonely if I try talking about it I cry, when I'm alone and think about it I cry and the most sad thing is I know next year is going to be tough mum is only going to get worse there is no happy out come!!
On the outside I'm am coping well, I'm always being told how strong I am and how well I'm doing, on the inside is the total opposite.
Ten years ago I had breast cancer, I knew there was treatment,surgery etc I could have so even though it was tough i knew I had a big chance of survival. And I'm happy to say I got through it I have many battle scars.
Thank you for letting me write, sorry for long post!!
any advice would be welcome
