Hi Helena

I know how you feel, my mum has recently been diagnosed with secondary cancer in bones, lung and liver, we are awaiting biopsy results to confirm the source (she has had breast cancer & skin cancer in the last 3 years).

I think that everything always feels so much worse at this time of year, although I don't have children so at least I do not have to put on a smile and pretend that everything is ok.  I was meant to go to a party last night and just could not face everyone being so drunk and happy, knowing that 2023 is liable to be my worst year ever.  I lost my only sister to cancer 13 years ago, i thought that was the worst, but seeing my mum getting frail and knowing that i am going to lose her too is very hard to cope with.

All we can do is just take one day at a time, i take this time that i have with my mum to tell her how much I love her and to reassure her that I will look after my dad when she is gone.  I am lucky that we are able to talk openly about what is going to come, hopefully that way, there will be no regrets if she goes suddenly.

Be kind to yourself and try to focus on making some more happy memories with your mum and children this year.  I know that it doesn't feel like it at the moment, but you will find the strength to get through this!

Take care

Marie.

I'm in the same position. My mum was diagnosed with a terminal, untreatable brain tumour two weeks ago. She is mostly fine at the moment but it's to get much worse, very quickly. Doing my best to make it a good Christmas but the anticipation of what is to come makes it really hard. I don't know how we'll cope, but we have no other choice. She is so strong and I have to pretend to be... Can't offer any comfort, but you're not alone. Xxx

I think that you have hit the nail on the head with saying that you are pretending to be strong, i feel like that too. Pretending to my parents that i can sort out the nightmare of carers not turning up, when i am really just winging it and hoping for the best!

Mum was discharged from hospital on thursday, emergency carers meant to have been sorted out, and they have already let us down for 2 evenings in a row, due to staff shortages. ok, we have managed to get over it, but i worry what will happen in a few months when she is bedridden and dad and I are sleep deprived, how will we cope then?

My dad is desperate for mum to die at home and mum wants that too, i am just worried whether i will be able to be strong enough to hold it all together.  The thought of seeing her in pain scares me rigid.

I am not sure if you have had any dealings with macmillan nurses yet, mum had one assigned to her in hospital and I have to say that they have been great giving advice and answering random questions that pop into my brain.

I wish you and your mum well for christmas, lets carry on 'faking it until we make it!' 

If you need to vent at all, feel free to drop me a line.

Cheers

Marie xx

Hi my mum found out 3 days ago she has multiple brain tumors. She had breast cancer 3 years ago then lung and now this.. what's your mum's game plan? 

Hi,I'm so sorry about your mums diagnosis and how you are feeling.

your post is exactly the same situation as my mums and mine.my mum was diagnosed in November with stage 4 lung cancer which has spread.The past week she hasn't been good,she has been in bed being sick and feeling down.It pains me so much to see my mum like this.she is coming to mine for Christmas as she always does,I am trying to be Christmassy and everything that goes with it but inside I am a mess.

Thanks for replying Holly it sounds like you and I are in a very similar position if your username is anything to go by we're about the same age too. 

My mum's 74 and up til now has only ever had very minor breathlessness. Shadows on her lung were only found by chance when x-raying for something else. Sadly she fell through NHS cracks and it was another 7 months before anyone investigated. By then stage 4, non curative. She's started a targeted treatment but the outlook isn't great. She's suddenly started experiencing a lot of pain and it's absolutely heart breaking to see her suffer.

We're a very open family and have had brutally honest conversations but doesn't take away the harsh facts. We're all completely new to this and it's a minefield.

I want to savour every moment with her but every moment is tinged with sadness. I'm not sure Christmas or birthdays will ever be the same. 

I'm not sure how to live without my mum. We're so close.