I've been spiralling we are both so young the sheer thought of growing old with the chance that it'll be without him is slowly breaking my heart. I don't want to make him feel worse by crying constantly because that's not good for anyone, I hold his hand and just walk him through his days, I would genuinely give him my stomach and other organs if I could, if it ensured he would live a full life, I wish there was more I could do to help him, whenever I'm at home and not with him I just break down and cry, I will never walk away or give up though even on the bad days, every day I love him more and more. 
 

im so sorry for the long message I just felt like I was suffocating with emotion.