My mum was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 2016 when I was in high school. It was a tough process but she was cancer free by 2017 after surgery and radiotherapy. She then got diagnosed with bladder cancer and the breast cancer had come back. By the time I was in university she was diagnosed with lymphoedema and blood cancer. I wasn't with her a lot of the time as I had moved away to university. She went through chemo, lost her hair and her health suffered massively. Shes currently having investigations for lumps in her arms. 
I'm struggling to cope. I'm 23 and worry everyday that I don't have much time left with her. She's completely changed and is so weak, simple tasks are a challenge for her. I support her and help her when I can but I have a career in a different city now and it's difficult to get home that often. I feel like I'm missing out on opportunities to be with her and I worry that I haven't done enough. More recently it's all become too much and I don't know how to cope with all of the feelings that have built up over the years. I'm good at hiding my true feelings, everyone keeps telling me she will be fine but I feel like I'm already mourning her because she will never be the same person before she got the cancer. I can't talk to her about it because I don't want to upset her. I'm just tired of putting on a brave face and despite wanting to be positive I'm finding it more difficult everyday.