I've posted before about this, but not lately. My lovely friend, also called Caroline, has inoperable pancreatic cancer now rapidly spreading through the stomach lining, liver, and moving quickly. The hospice team are amazing at helping her with pain control, and other calming techniques. She isn't afraid - she says she is only afraid of what leaving her lovely husband and us, will do to us. She wants to stay at home, and they say that can be done. She has the care plan. She's still up and about but the morphine, 5mg 4 times a day, along with tramadol, has just been increased to 10mg every 4 hours, as its advancing. At the moment I'm dealing with it by not dealing with it, to be honest, my brain simply won't accept that Csroline is dying. My brain lies, tells me it's all a big mistake, that this cannot be happening. 32 years ago I lost my darling mum in similar circumstances  but within 10 weeks of diagnosis to her dying. My husband things it may help me to talk to someone, but I feel selfish, a bad self centered person, to waste anyone's time, it's not me who's ill! If I could have this instead of her I would. Sorry to ramble. Can anyone identify with my feelings? C xx