Hi Everyone!
So, Jay had his telephone consultation with his urologist yesterday and he said that his kidneys have swollen and now they are talking about a nephostromy or a stent to be put in to open them up. He took the call himself so I don't really know if it is just one kidney or both. Having a nephostromy means that he would have to endure another bag and he already has a stoma. They said because of the cancer present in his pelvis this can press and block valves I think that lead to his kidneys and therefore they won't drain properly. He is against having more tubes coming out of him but there is no alternative apparently and there is a risk his kidneys could just shut down. I said to him last night I want him to have it done in fact I want them to throw everything they have at this, but in the end up I suppose its his decision and it may look as though I am being selfish, but I want him here, I want him alive , and I want him to see our granddaughter go to school as he said he is determined to do and I think he still has a lot to live for. I said to him about getting it done and he wasn't sure and then I said `do you just want to die`? and he said `well i am going to eventually`. Today we were out getting some shopping I went in to the supermarket. Christmas Trees decorations everywhere but I'm just not feeling it I just want it all to go away. We came home and I came into the house came up the stairs and sat down and just broke down. He came in and said to me I need to stop this and that it is dragging him down and I have nothing to cry for. I then said to him `I do if it means losing you` because you don't want to do anything about this. He said he didn't say he didn't want to do anything about it and is waiting until we see the oncologist again next Thursday and I think he saw how upset I was and said if it means another bag i'll go and get it done. It seems they can't start chemo again I take it until this bag is in place because the chemo may do harm to his kidneys. I'm 60 years old this Monday and couldn't care less. It's supposed to be a milestone birthday celebration but unfortunately for me there's nothing worth celebrating. Our son had booked a birthday dinner for us all on this Saturday night for me but phoned today to say that they needed to cancel because our wee granddaughter is ill. She has hand, foot and mouth disease?? it's something I think along the lines of chicken pox and causes her to have a very high temperature and she has been vomiting a lot and has a rash all over her body. I think it is a child's disorder and it's something that takes it's course and lasts 7-10 days. I'm glad in a way it's not happening because I would probably break down again in the restaurant and that would be embarrassing for them all. It's just one thing after another and I feel we are just not getting a break at all!! Each day just now just morphs into one another it's like god forgive me covid all over again and I just want it to stop.
Vicky
