Hi, I am struggling to looking after my partner who has been diagnosed Glioblastoma recently.

He had liver transplant for liver cancer 10 years ago and the first thing I was given after we married was not a wedding ring or honeymoon. It was a instructions of his medication.

Since then I have been looking after him and hoping things would get better. His health was getting better but he didn't stop depending on me and he has been acting like a forever patient. He does everything in his bed ; drinking tea, watching tv, reading book, net shopping. I hardly ever see him unless I go to his bedroom. I have been feeling lonely even if he has been physically here in the same house.

I do all the house work and his medical stuff. Literally every thing. I stoped wearing beautiful cloth or make up.

I stopped going out to see people because when they ask what I do, I don't have answe apart from  "I look after my husband" .

He never took me to proper holiday, he never took me shopping (he says he doesn't like shopping or too tired to go). He wasn't like that before we married. We loved dressing up and going out or having a house parties etc. 

If he was really too ill to do things, I wouldn't blame him for not doing anything but he could go out with friends or play cricket or go fishing. 

When I couldn't stand up because of backache, he went out with friends for drink and I was left alone in the dark without food or drink.

When I had to go to A and E for myself, I asked him if he could come with me because I was scared, but he said he was too sleepy to come. 

Then he has his second cancer now. I looked back all these 10 years and I realized I have been neglected and have been treated like a carer, not his wife. Also I realized I have become nobody with no social life, no job, no children and no identity. Also we don't own a house and no saving, so when I become alone I have to find a job to support myself which wouldn't be easy for my age (50) after long time blank from work.
Once I realized that, I found it very difficult to look after him with love. I want to get my life back asap and I don't want to make same mistake I made for all these 10 years.

I told him how I feel but he wasn't much interested as he was too busy with  flipping the tv channel,while I was talking.

I don't think he would change. I want to get out the situation but there is nobody here to look after him as his family is away and they have been depending on me too. (I never have  had any physical or financial support from them for all these years.)

I started thinking only way I can change the situation and get my life back is leaving him. 
As a human being (not as a wife anymore), it seems cruel as he needs my help more than ever. 

I have already contacted palliative care team as they will send someone if I decide to leave him.

I reall don't know what to do.

Is there anyone who felt the same?