Hello Stephanie

As we say up here ......Nobody loves you like yer Maw! And it is difficult to see someone you love having to go through such a diagnosis and I know where you are coming from having lost my own mother 8 years ago.

The loss and the grief does become less with time.

Your offer of support will either be left or taken depending on the needs of those of us who deal with things in different ways.

Some of us like to keep our own counsel and will post under the safety of a forum that allows us to remain anonymous and others find comfort in joining groups online or in person to share their grief in the hope of finding friendship.

well said!cancer arrives and sometimes does not go away we can only hope. Some of ur are lucky some not so fortunate but either way we share the grief and anguish I have just had half a lung out. Initially I think my family and myself were in shock. My family soon accepted it but I don't think I did. Today I'm just as positive as I will ever be and hope my result comes back normal. Prayers offered for all those needy people.

I'm sorry I don't understand scores etc but think you should have a proper discussion with your mum and oncologist.

From one Stephanie to another, I'd like to offer you a very warm welcome to Cancer Chat :happy:

It's great to hear your mum's treatment has gone well. Has your mum decided whether she is going to go ahead with the chemo? From what you've mentioned in your post, it sounds like she could benefit from it but she needs to make sure that whatever she decides, that it's right for her, but as Gandy has suggested, it may be good to discuss this further with your mum and her cancer team so you can get some clarification and peace of mind.

We have many members on the forum who are on similar journeys with their mums who will completely understand how you're feeling and where you're coming from at the moment so hopefully anyone who wants to connect will pop by to do so but in the meantime, if you'd like to talk about any of this with one of our cancer nurses, they're just a phone call away on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m.

You may also be able to find support and friendship via the Someone Like Me service the charity Breast Cancer Now provides.

I know it's hard not to think about what may happen in the future but if you can, try to stay in the present and concentrate on the positive outcome your mum has had so far. 

Best wishes to you both,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi other steph :laugh:

Yeah mum has decided to go ahead with the chemo, she will start it within the next two weeks. It was basically left up to us as she fell into the grey area of scores, but the Dr did say she feels we made the right decision,  7 % may not be a lot to some people,  but me and mum feel it's enough to go through chemo for 4 months. Without chemo she has a 10 % chance of reacurrance with just the hormone tablets and that felt like a big number to us even though to some people they would mainly focus on 90 percent it won't come back.

I know I need to focus more on the positives rather then worry and try and predict the future, I think it's hard though especially as my grans primary cancer went at first in a similar way before it quickly changed to secondary cancer, I think my anxiety and depression can get the better of me sometimes and it can mean I'm cynical about the future.

Thanks for getting back to me though :happy:

Hi, my wife is ages with your mum (well, she was when diagnosed last year). She too fell into that awkward bracket your mum seems to have fallen in, with regardless to "How do we treat her". Whilst she hadn't begun the menopause, she was at the age where they weren't and still aren't quite sure if to treat her as pre- or post-menopause. They just went with pre and now she's on tamoxifen. She had the chemo, and radiotherapy, and what was supposed to be a mastectomy, turned into a lumpectomy due to her complete response to chemo.

Kinda interesting to read your thoughts as we too have a daughter that will probably be around your age, may be younger. So reading your posts gives us a little insight into the other side of things.

Nice to hear your wife responded well to her chemo, I hope my mum responds well too. Though it's basically not chemo to reduce cancer it's more to try and reduce the risk of it coming back.

Reccurance fear I guess is what everyone who's had cancer or loves someone who's had cancer has to learn to live with. 

Fingers crossed you and your wife don't have to deal with it again either :happy:

xx