Hi

Hope this is OK to post.   My partner was recently diagnosed with Colon cancer after routine testing (no symptoms etc) so all a huge shock.  Surgery was successful + doesn't look like any spread, so all tremendously good news and we are relieved, though still shell-shocked from it all.

However I find I am now totally obsessed with my own health. I'm peri menopausal & have had intermittent back pain for many, many years.  We changed our diet d dramatically after partners diagnosis- becoming pretty much vegetarian (almost vegan) overnight.  However I am now analysing every toilet visit, every pain, every gurgle! I have used some savings to have private qFIT (even though my screening isn't due) & it was negative (>4) and see a private doctor who did a rectal + pressed my tummy (all OK I think as he didn't say otherwise). I explained my 'off the scale' anxiety + he said he'd 'cut to the chase' + do CT next week!  Blood (including Ca125 also fine), as is abdo + TV ultrasound.  Only issue is hormone indicative of menopause underway.
I know rapid diet change, peri menopause, anxiety etc can all cause issues,  but wonder if this level of obsession is normal?

i should be 100% focused on my partner + delighted at the positive outcome, instead I'm having intrusive thoughts, convincing myself that it's missed him + so is 'coming for me' as, when he was diagnosed, I thought, spare him + have me instead, now I'm having imaginary conversations of delivering horrible news to my children again!- I absolutely do know how crazy that sounds, especially when I should be looking to the future!

So, has anyone else ever felt this way after close relative's illness?  Is the CT likely to be for my reassurance (as Dr saw how teary/anxious I was).  Part of me thinks I'm having some sort of post trauma issue, however abdo pains are real and that I am ruining my partners relief and recovery by being selfish/dramatic!.

 Thanks for taking the time to read this when you have much more to worry about.