Hi. First time post. I haven't been diagnosed myself. It's my partner. She was diagnosed back in February with metastatic breast cancer that had gone from her breast to the lymph nodes in her armpit and neck. She has undergone seven bouts of chemo, one every two weeks, and she has one left. The found the first 4 very hard . She was completely exhausted. But the second 4 of her doses are AC. She has been absolutely awful. It has completely changed her personality. She's been really nauseous and barely been awake for more than an hour at a time. She also has had incredibly vivid dreams. Ones in which she genuinely isn't sure if they were dreams or not. And she has said that she could have done something silly on a couple of occasions. The hospital has been made aware of the effects of the chemo and reduced it to 80% for her last one. But it hasn't made a difference. She had got worse on every one,. Thank god she only has one left.

We live 25 miles apart. I work full time and I want to be there more for her, but since the AC, she has said she doesn't want me there. She says that she can't stand to have anyone there and she wants to be left alone as she feels so awful. Her mother has been going there to make her food but my girlfriend has been quite nasty to her, bringing her to tears a couple of times. Her grown up son and his girlfriend also live there so she has people there, should she need anything.

I'm just so confused. I know she's incredibly ill atm. But I'm not allowed to see her and we don't even phone each other like we used to do every night. We have been together since Mar 2019. We has a wobbly patch early on, me doing something stupid. She gave me the ultimatum, and since then we have been as close as I've ever felt with anyone. I love her so much. But I feel completely pushed away now. I know how selfish that sounds. She has told me as much. But I'm so scared that she isn't going to want to be with me once all this is done. I didn't realise that the treatment could affect her feelings like this. I know I need to give her time , and I will give her all the time she wants or needs because I can't imagine my life without her. But it's hard when she doesn't want contact, apart from a few text messages every day. I think I'd feel better if I could go there and cook for her, or run her a bath or do some shopping for her. I feel completely useless and worried sick about her. I know she's going through an absolute living nightmare. I just miss her so much.