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Stage 4 lung cancer

Poppy20
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Hi
This is my first time posting. 

My mum has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer with possible spread to the bones.  She does have cancer in her shoulder bone but as my mum is reluctant to have anything done, biopsy and treatment wise they can't say for definite that the lung cancer has spread to the bones or that it is a separate cancer.  They are sure it is cancer and have given her 'months'.

My mum seems to have given up, she's spending most of her time in bed, not eating or drinking much, doesn't want to shower etc.  She is snappy and aggressive- more towards my dad than me.

I've had two months off work so far to help look after her.  I work full time and have a family of my own to look after too.  My job is busy and stressful and doesn't get covered when I'm off.  I realise my mum is more important than work.  I'm dreading going back and torn because I wish I knew how long my mum has so that I could decide if I should go back now and have time nearer the end or just carry on as I am doing.  Being told 'months' in terms of time is quite vague and obviously I appreciate no one actually knows and it is an estimate - it could mean more than 6 months or less.  I'm just torn between all the things I have going on and don't want to miss any time with my mum but she's just lying in bed with no interest or inclination to do anything about making any memories with me, my dad or her grandkids. 
 

sorry for the long post x

  • Offline

    Hello Poppy20, 

    I am sorry to hear abour your mum's diagnosis and that she has been given only months. It's really sad to hear that your mum has pretty much given up and is spending most of her time lying in bed unable to do anything. It must be really hard for you to watch her deteriorate before your eyes and get snappy towards your dad. 

    It was incredibly kind of you to have two months off work to help look after her especially as you have a family to look after too and a demanding full time job. I am sure your mum appreciates everything you've been doing for her. Being given a prognosis of 'months' is as you mentioned a bit vague but unfortunately as you know it is really hard to be accurate and know how much time someone might have left which makes it really difficult for you to plan anything taking into account all your work and family commitments. You seem to be an extraordinarily caring person and it sounds like you are managing the incredible juggling act of being there for your mum but also for your family and work. There is one person you mustn't forget in all this though and that's yourself. I know it's really hard but try and take time to recharge your batteries from time to time and breathe a tiny bit in the midst of all this pressure you are under. There is useful information on our website for family, friends and caregivers. You will get some valuable tips on how best to support someone with cancer and also on how to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally to give you the energy you need to even better support your mum. 

    You are going through incredibly tough times and I hope that you will hear from other members of our forum who have also cared for a loved one with cancer. It helps to talk to others who have been in a similar boat and who can relate to what you are currently going through. 

    Best wishes to you and your mum, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Lucie

    Thank you Lucie your reply is much appreciated. I will read the links you have suggested. 
    Xxx

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