Offspring (early twenties) won't make old bones, now choosing to be either alone or with younger people, rarely socialising, can't drink alchohol because of chemo-agents, has issues with falling-out hair (low self-esteem over changed appearance), absolutely imperative avoid bugs, was on government shielding list, no chance of ever ringing a bell, this is best it gets ... horrid downward slide, can't make new memories since contact's become restricted. Doesn't want regular phone calls just occasional (once or twice a month now). "Why me? Why is life so unfair? Why have I had to suffer so much?" I hear her pain, I empathise but I have no answers, cannot take away the pain. As meds become less effective/more toxic to a body that has taken so much, how do you begin to deal with this? I've offered to help out, move in ... Big mistake!! There is a desire to live an independent grown-up life ... I wonder if my (relative) longevity – am in my fifties – might be a source of pain even. It seems there is nothing I can do, except listen if asked. Please don't anyone tell me to go and see her, give her a hug because a) she hates hugs and b) she moved without telling me/sibling. I think I do finally get it, the need to have a cocoon, protect others even. I also understand this is not about me... If her life is to be so short – let it not be, please let it not be – she has a right to do whatever works for her, whatever makes life tolerable. But I am finding this situation extremely hard especially given other cancer losses I have experienced (my best friend died of leukaemia age 11). Has anyone else experienced a situation anything like this? How do you deal with it because I'm struggling?
