Hi,

I have never posted in a chat like this and don't really know where to start but felt like I needed to speak to people who might be going through something similar to understand if I am over reacting or if its normal to feel like your world has come crashing in on you overnight.

My Dad (69) has recently been diagnosed with Stage 4 Melanoma, incurable due to the extensive spread of tumours.  He has started on Immunotherapy with a double whammy dose to give him the best chances of having a few more years with us but no one knows yet what the outcome will be.  

In a matter of 2 months he has gone from an energetic, happily retired man who loves walking in the dales/going to the cricket (walking there obviously)/eating out/drinking/socialising/being a member of all sorts of groups; to a man who can barely get out of bed some days.  He can't eat, he has lost so much weight, has no energy, is constantly battling stomach issues and infections.  It is absolutely heartbreaking. 

I am not his carer, my Mum has been amazing at looking after him but I also worry so much about her.  Her role has changed from wife to carer in such a short time and i know both her and my Dad are putting a brave face on it but it's so hard for them both.  I want to help as much as i can but I also feel useless.  I just hate seeing my Dad like this and can't get my head around how fast this horrible disease has taken over his life. 

I am struggling mentally, feeling anxious, not sleeping etc.  I have good days where I kind of forget how bad it all is then all of a sudden the wave of emotions hits again and I don't know how to handle it.  I feel that I should be able to cope better at 37 years old and I get annoyed at myself for not being strong for them.  I love my Dad more than anything and I just wasn't ready for this as he was fine in June and now he is like a completely different man.

All we can do is hope that the Immunotherapy is working but right now, seeing the effect is having on him is making me resent it as he just has no life in him.  

Sorry for the long post. x