Hi

I fully understand how your feeling. My mum has been diagnosed with terminal cancer in several places and only had diagnosis abt 8wks ago and we've been told no treatments being given and we've been told she has just months.. 

Yup.. I'm like yourself.. Throwing myself into my work.. I work in the care sector and look after other people's mums. She's still in hospital at the moment and the care there is questionable at the moment. My feelings come and go in waves. A little like yourself. I feel guilty I'm not doing enough.. But not knowing what to do... Guilty I'm not crying all the?.. But feeling the pain... Everyone deals with and reacts differently to this. Granted.. No right or wrong way.. But hell..what must my mum be feeling.... Not broached the subject yet.. I know I need to soonercrathervthan later.. But I'm scared but probably not as scared as her...

But sorry strayed a little there... But yes I totally understand you..... Hope this helps..

I'm so sorry you're in this situation and I can massively relate. We've just found out my dads cancer has returned and the palliative care team will be contacting him to chat. Chemo might be an option but I believe this would be to try and manage it rather than a cure as such. 

I am also throwing myself into work but my mind really isn't properly in it and I just don't feel like I can engage properly. I am also thinking it would be helpful to have some time off to look after myself but I know eventually I will need to have more time off when it gets to the end. 

Its such a rollercoaster ride and I fluctuate a lot in my thoughts. Some days I can be quite logical about it and take things day by day and then other times I just bawl my eyes out and think of how I will cope without him. What you're doing is very similar to what I am doing. 

Sorry not much help! Just please know I am only a message away if needed and happy to chat/rant etc. 

Jade

Jade that sounds so similar! I don't know how much it's acceptable to take time off work (I'm usually too scared to take time off when I'm actually unwell myself as it is!) but it seems pointless to be in work when I'm unproductive and trying to wade through the day is making me stressed and miserable. I know it's so important to look after yourself but difficult when it's actually me! 
 

I'm the same, I hate taking time off when I am unwell. I'm so torn between wanting to be at work as it'll give me a distraction and it will keep me busy and I will be around people (I work in a very fast paced hospital so never short of being busy!), I worry being at home will mean I have less distractions and more time just with my thoughts but then think I could do with some rest. Its all just stressful and emotional isn't it 

Hi,

I wanted to post just to say I totally understand where you are coming from.

My dad was hospitalised about a month ago and subsequently given a diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer. We haven't seen the oncologist yet but it sounds as though he might be offered palliative chemo...if he wants it.

When he left hospital, he was given 'end of life' meds. He didnt seem to register how serious things are but I've been in a mess ever since.

I have days when I feel mostly human and can function...but then I have days where I'm completely consumed with fear and can't stop crying.

My work are incredibly supportive but after speaking to my doctor I have been signed off for a month. I just couldn't focus and that was adding to my stress. I'm not saying that's necessarily the solution for you but don't feel bad if you're struggling and need to take some time out.

Nothing really prepares you for the loss (or anticipation of loss) of a parent and I think we just deal with it the best way we can.

I can relate to all the messages here, mum diagnosed with advanced cancer 5 weeks ago, not curable, and we were straight with palliative team. She has oncologist appointment next week, see what they say but mum doesn't want anything that will make her feel more unwell.

it's so tough, I'm busy sorting financial things and things for mum, sometimes I can focus sometimes I'm a complete mess, I'm crying, I feel so sad for what my mum must be feeling.

sometimes I'm just sitting in silence and I kick myself thinking why didn't I say more as I won't get this time back....I'm so scarred how quickly things may deteriorate. I don't know how I'll cope honestly - lost my dad to cancer too and very quickly. It's horrible. 

Yes absolutely. I think I liked being busy but it's not just burnt me out and I can't face it. I took this afternoon off and I think I'll take tomorrow and try to compose myself before next week

I totally relate, it's so hard. That is really good that you've been signed off. Ideally, I would do that too. It is a real fault of mine worrying what people think and not prioritising my own mental health. I hope the time gives you the space you need, hard because it doesn't change what you're going through but it's the space to process it without the additional demands and pressures. 

So sorry to hear about your dad and that your mum is unwell too. Life is so unfair