Hi everyone,

As you will see from the subject heading, I am new to this. 3 weeks new to this actually. My Dad, 56, has been diagnosed with colon/bowel cancer (apparently they're the same thing, you learn something new). 

3 whole weeks of madness to be completely honest with you, a rollercoaster is the only actual word I can use to describe what's going on. 

I decided to write this because I have, quite surprisingly, found a lot of comfort reading your stories. Stories of how much of a rollercoaster this all is and, more importantly, how you have survived after receiving the news.

So let me vent a little - I am 25 years old (male/son/brother) in a family of 5, Myself included, with 2 sisters (30 and 28 respectively) and a Mum (55). 

We never thought this would happen to us, despite the family history (grandparents on my Dad's side passed away a few years ago from bowel cancer - genetic, lovely future for me!) it's been a bit mental.

Whilst I could talk, a lot, about how hard it is to work, to focus, to protect my friends, my girlfriend, my family. I'm using this as a way for me to vent because I need to remain strong for my family and I do not have the chance to vent to any of them. 
 

My Dad is on private healthcare, Bupa, we're luckier than most and can afford, through his work, the opportunity to be looked after. I feel sick for the people who have to wait weeks longer for the same treatment. Especially since the backlogs of NHS waiting times. But my Dad is going for his surgery to remove his entire colon on Friday. A tough time for us and more importantly a tough time for him.

I don't feel for a second that he will die from this disease, quite the opposite, I'm just afraid of seeing him in a vulnerable and uncomfortable position post-surgery and I guess, the potential side effects and the danger of embarking on this surgery. 
 

My Dad is also quite traditional, and is relying on me to look after the rest of the family. I've not managed to have my moment yet, if I ever do, but I've not had my moment to break down. My Mum is quite difficult and not the best in the time of crises, this is too big to explain, but as an example, she delivered the news of my Dad having cancer, drunk at 9:30am to my sister on the phone. I don't resent her, I'm just sad that I'm not allowed the moment or even been asked if I'm okay? 

Least to say, it's been difficult, and I'm trying to sort my family out and keep everything together whilst my Dad is currently MIA. 
 

I don't know. I'm just finding it difficult. Glad I could vent a little.