Support for my mum and dad. What can I do to help them?

Good afternoon, 

My dad has been battleing cancer since 2018 , it started in his kidney which he had removed. For the next few years he has been very much in and out of hospital having treatment, but has remained well .

On the weekend of the 9th 10th of July 2022 I received a phoncall from a ambulance who was trying to gain access to my parents house, they were about to call the police to force entery, my dad had called them saying he thought he had sepsis and was being sick. I live only 5 minutes walk away so i dashed round to try an help. I manager to wake my dad up who came to answer the door. He took quite sometime to get there ansd while waiting the GP, who had now also arrived, told me i needed to get myself a key as this was going to be a regualr thing now. She asked if i was aware of my dad being ill. and I expalined what I knew, which tuned out not to be alot . I know that the GP broke confidentiality by telling me what she did but because I am the person looking after both my parents she decided it wa son a need to know basis. She did ask me not to tell my dad what she had told me , which I haven't, but to try and get him to open with me and my mum.

It has been almost 4 weeks since then and my dad has suddenly deterioated so dramatically I can hardly comprehend and yet he will still not discuss it with us, he still thinks that he can drive, when he can barly walk. He is being sick all the time and is not eating, he looks blue, it is dreadful. Added to all of this is the fact that my mum is paralized down oneside of her body and dad has always been there to look after her.

Both my parents are very stobborn and I am trying to do what I can on my own, but I have a very stressful full time job I am the main bread winner and I have an 8 year old daughter . I do not begrudge helping my parents , but is there anything else I can do to help them? They both have capactiy , although dad was talking last night about the all the poeple who visited yesterday telling him how I was going to Spain, which I am not and they had no visitors. It is very upsetting to see my dad like this, I was always a daddy's girl and he was always a big strong northen man. I know he will not engage with any services , my mum wouldn't even let anyone through the door, even when the distrcit nurses were coming round they both tried to turn them away.

Thank you for reading and any support would be greatful . 

  • Welcome to the forum Victoria although I'm very sorry to hear about your dad's diagnosis and what happened last month. I can't begin to imagine how scary and stressful that must have been for you all. 

    Macmillan have a lot of information about the various types of practical support that is available and Maggie's have some very helpful tips and advice for coping as a carer, but as your dad still hasn't spoken to you and your mum about his situation, it may be best to speak with his GP again to see what they would advise and to get some support for yourself, as it's really important to take care of yourself when caring for someone with cancer.

    Hopefully some of our members who have been in this tricky position will offer you their support and advice soon but if you'd like to discuss any of this with one of our cancer nurses, they're available Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m on 0808 800 4040. They're very friendly, and insightful and will do all they can to help you at this time.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator