I would just like to tell my story as a loving partner to my beautiful partner of 22yrs.

I can remember as if it was yesterday, the phone call I received off one of my partners work colleagues. 

I was given the news that my partner had to rush to hospital after a heavy bleed and when I say heavy she lost 2pints in a short space of time.

She was given a blood transfusion and scan and a follow up appointment few weeks later.

I am not the greatest person for support at an appointment, where my partner had an incling something serious was going on and that the news was going to change our lives for ever.

We were told she had stage 4 cervical cancer, just with the mention of cancer made me breakdown and from then on I was no good.

I could remember one of the doctors drew a diagram of the cervix and that the tumour was very 6inches with no chance of operating.

Walking back to the car was a surreal moment with no talking just tears and thoughts.

From that day she had operation to remove a lymph node, a further 2scans and 6 treatments of chemo.

My partner was the strongest person I new as through that, yes she had bad days but pushed herself to get down the coast for our normal walks with dog.

She had a further scan in which we got a bit of a lift after hearing the tumour was slightly smaller, so going in the right direction.

She was now  booked in for 6 treatments of radio therapy.

WOW how everything changed dramatically.

Now having 2 kidney stents fitted and a permanent catheter, our lives were kept busy in hospitals.

She had serious nerve damage in her legs to the point we had to get wheelchair and climbing the stairs in the house was a challenge and a half.

My partner was always at her best before going out making sure she was clean, hair done and dressed well. It came to the point of no shower, and she had to wear clothes to hide catheter.

Day to day I saw the deterioration of my beautiful lady and there was nothing I could do. Jut be there for her, walk her to the toilet before the contents of her bowle was all over the floor. It was already on the bedding so we had to use towels and pads to keep bed clean-ish.I thought never in my day I would have to care for my lady, and if anything it should me going first and my partner looking after me. 

I would never wish this horrible disease to anyone and I hope my story goes some way to save any woman the ordeal and go to every invite from doctor to have smear test. 

My partner suffered this ordeal for 3yrs, but rapidly deteriorated in the last week of her life.

She passed away at home on 5th May 2022 and it is so so raw for me to understand she has gone.

I have never had to deal with loosing someone close as I still have both parents.

I cry everyday, I miss her everyday, I sit looking at all the  photos we have accumulated, and I cry again.

I don't know if I am grieving the same way as others, but it's my way to look at her through pictures.

My parents call most days but evenings I like it to be me and my photos.

I have a French bull dog and she is a bit of a distraction for me but it's hard, very hard to deal with.

Please, please ladies get yourself checked.