Hello all, 

i spend most of my sleepless nights reading through these forums but I thought I would try a post.

I am 25 years old and my 30 year old fiancé was diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer late last year. To say it was a shock is an understatement, we are both completely heartbroken. 

He is well into his treatment plan of chemo and immuno and the last CT scan showed that the cancer had not spread any further. 

When he was initially diagnosed he took several months off of work sick, but he has recently gone back to work full time. since starting back at work he is just so tired all of the time and I am worried he is over doing it. 
 

understandably he is constantly worrying that his health is deteriorating, and is very paranoid about any aches and pains he has. I try to keep him positive, but he is just so down all of the time. How do I help him? 
 

He wants to start looking at us buying our first home together. We would both be first time buyers and I worry that we would not be given a mortgage due to his health. Does anybody have any idea about this? 
 

I lay awake most nights thinking about losing him, and I feel like I am grieving for him before he is gone. I am trying to make every day count with him, but I am so scared about losing him that my grief is taking over. I am exhausted trying to be upbeat and positive around him all the time. Whenever I am going through anything difficult, he is the one person that I confide in. But he is already going through so much that I just can't tell him about my feelings.

sorry about my endless rambling, it's just nice to write all of this down!