Dealing with isolation and parents terminal illness

Hi, 

 

I am about 4 months pregnant. My dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer about a week after I found out I was pregnant, and was given weeks to months to live. I normally live very far away but came back as soon as I heard. My partner has work so came for a brief time, but as its expensive and he doesnt have much annual leave he won't be able to come visit again, as we obviously need to keep some time and money available for when the baby comes.

I plan to stay as long as my dad is alive but that obviously puts where I will be for most of my pregnancy a bit in flux. I do have my mum here who does the vast majority of hands on caring, but do not have any friends or other family nearby. 

Charities like Marie Curie and the local hospice have been very helpful supporting with my dads physical needs, but despite asking for emotional support they have not provided any. At the moment neither of my parents really want to persue emotional support but I have been trying to engage with charities. So far I have not been able to get on any waiting lists, let alone access any support. I have tried through charities and through my GP but it always seems like a chain of referrals and then I hit a brick wall where I just do not recieve any reply.

So I was wondering if anyone has succesfully found any support or know of anything that is helpful. I want to be here for my dad and for my mum but I barely leave the house at this point as I have such low energy and nowhere to go. 

I have asked macmillian for support as they advertise it all over my city but they told me I had to go to the hospice, who have been helpful to my dad but dont ever get back to me on details of family support, even though they say they provide it. 

I can understand that charities are overworked and there are many people in even tougher situations, but it feels like I am a hamster in a wheel trying to figure out how to cope with the situation and find support. 

  • Hello User453 and a big welcome to Cancer Chat, 

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad's terminal diagnosis just a week after you found out you were pregnant. It must have been a real shock to you to be told your dad was terminally ill at about the same time you were finding out you were expecting a baby. It was really nice of you to go back so you could be near even though you normally live far away and it must have been hard for you to be living away from your partner in the early weeks of your pregnancy. I can imagine this makes things a bit uncertain for you at the moment and that you are feeling a bit isolated without your loved ones around.

    It's a shame that you hit a brick wall when trying to get in touch with several charities. I hope that you will manage to access support and that you will get a response. It's certainly worth persevering or trying to see whether you can talk to someone else if you have not had helpful replies. You could also try and get back in touch with the hospice and mention that you were told they provide family support but that you haven't received any details about this yet. It does sound poor you that you have been as you say left like a hamster in a wheel going around in circles trying to figure out what help and support is available to you and your parents. 

    I thought I would signpost you to a few pages on our website which will hopefully direct you to useful resources. First of all, our general page for family, friends and caregivers contains useful tips to help you support a loved one with cancer whilst also taking care of yourself which is very important especially as you are expecting a little one too! 

    The Who Can Help? page from our website lists different types of emotional, practical and financial support that are available to you. You will also find out more about how to look for local support groups and helpful organisations in your parents' area. You can also read more on this page about how to get support at home and about the emotional and practical support available to you.  This is all a bit of a minefield and it can be hard to know what is relevant to your particular circumstances. If you would like to talk things through, don't hesitate to get in touch with our cancer nurses. They can give advice about who can help you and what kind of support may be useful to you or signpost you in the right direction. You can ring them on this free number 0808 800 4040 - Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm.

    Wishing you a great continuation of your pregnancy. I hope it is all going well for you and that you are not too tired. I am sure your parents are incredibly grateful you are doing all this for them - they are very lucky to have your support and I am sure they appreciate it even if you had to move further away from them. 

    I hope that you will hear from other members of the forum who have been in a similar situation before and that they will be along shortly to share their stories and experiences with you. 

    Best wishes to you and your family during this difficult time, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator