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My beautiful mum

Emi-ann
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My beautiful mum was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer 8 weeks ago. The deterioration has been unbearable to watch. I gave up my job to care for mum at home, I'm very lucky my partner has a well paid job and he has been so so supportive. However, when mum first got diagnosed she was adamant she wanted to spend her final days in the local Hospice, now with the help of some amazing district nurses I have managed to fulfill this wish. Howeve, it absolutely kills me to leave her there daily, I walk out wondering if it's the last time I'm going to see her. I must mention I have 2 beautiful boys at home and am currently 32 weeks pregnant, so the rest is definitely needed. 
but my question is this, does this feeling of guilt and anxiety ever leave? I literally cry myself to sleep at night. 
And I honestly feel drained  emotionally. Have I done the right thing?

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    Hi Emi-Ann,

    Foremost, congratulations on your baby, I'm sure she'll be joining a wonderful family. Wishing a girl for you ;)

    Sorry to hear about your mum, sounds like it's terminal. (:

    The best you can do is what you're doing now and giving up your job qualifies you for a damehood!

    My mum was also diagnosed with breast cancer and has had 2x mastectomies, radiotherapies and survived a stroke. She's still having ongoing chemotherapy.

    The best approach is to take it one day at a time because no two scenarios are similar and you also have your own family and personal life challenges to face up to, not to talk of the pregnancy hormones poking their heads up too :)

    As long as you're doing your best, you're OK.

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    Hi Emi-Ann,

    I am sorry to hear about your curent situation and about your mum. From how it sounds to me, mum wants to be in the hospice and maybe you think it's your role and that you're letting her down but mum knows you're pregnant and she thinks she is trying to help. I suppose talking to her about how you feel and just spending as much time as you can with her is what's needed. When my mum was diagnosed and later on when she was near to end-of-life - I would speak to my mum on a daily basis on Skype because I am in China and she always maintained that I had to live my life here, I am coming back now but she left us just under a month ago - I wish I was there when she finally passed away and it will always be a regret of mine that I wasn't but my mum made it very clear what her wishes for me were and I had to listen to what she was telling me. Have you done the right thing? I would say so but maybe talk to your mum some more and listen to what she has to say even if you think it might clash with what your role should be. I hope that helps and take care and congratulations on the third addition to the family. Mum will be proud of this! 

     

  • Offline in reply to Bukky.O

    Thankyou so much for your reply. 
    yes unfortunately it is terminal, it had already spread at the time of diagnosis and mum very bravely chose to have no treatment as she just wanted to enjoy what time she had left. 
    I suppose I just feel like I'm almost abandoning her when she needs me the most, even though she's asleep most of the time now anyway.

    I'm just hoping that she's dreaming of a lovely pain free life with my dad, her beloved Husband, who passed unexpectedly a few years ago. 
     

    again Thankyou for taking the time to reply

  • Offline in reply to Carlos1972

    Thankyou for your reply! 
    Your mum sounds like a wonderful lady who only had your best interests at heart, in wanting for you too achieve your dreams.

     And I am so sorry for your loss! 

    Sending lots of healing your way.


     

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