Circling - paralysed about reaching our - friend

Hi all...A bit of turmoil here, so any advice , or 'just' an ear gladly appreciated.
A close friend , though nor living close, is in turmoil re her stage 4 cancer. She's worried about food - needs to eat, can't think how or what. Frightened to go out, as Stoma bag burst last time, has had to rehouse her dog, so has lost that emotional support. In short, everything is feeling so hopeless for her she's feeling paralysed - so feels unable to reach out here, or anywhere (typing feels too much) as she is reluctant to phone Macmillan nurse, Dr, Samaritans or anyone. She wants friends to come by and help her cook, but no friends nearby, or, she feels she can't reach out. She's in a awful circle of needing help, but not being able to reach out. All the links Macmillan sent just seem too much to engage with also.

She seems fairly unaware even of her prognosis, but had just started chemo and already has lost her hair. 

I talk to her once a day, and support as best I can, but try not to give (too much) well meaning advice. 

Feeling stuck - not as stuck as my friend,but, I know this too may pass, but she is dwindling, and scared, and everything is toooo much for her. 

Thanks for listening.

  • Hi Dantanian,

    I'm sorry to hear of the situation with your friend - I can appreciate this must be incredibly difficult for her but also for you in your efforts to try to help her.

    It's great that you have come here for advice, and also that you are in touch with her so regularly. I'm sure this will be providing a lot of support in itself.

    In terms of reaching out for further support, perhaps it could be a case of starting with one small step. If you're already in touch with her each day, maybe while on the phone one time you could look at one of the links with her, and go through it together. You could then take it from there - such as doing the same the next time, and then eventually perhaps encouraging her to give the Macmillan nurse a call.

    I know it can be a fine balance between wanting to suggest advice but not wanting to go too far with this. As I say, the fact that you are just speaking to her regularly will no doubt be a huge benefit.

    Hopefully you'll receive further replies soon if others have other advice to share.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator