I haven't spoken to my Dad for 5 years or so, at the start of December one of his friends got in touch with me to tell me that he's dying and needed my help. 
 

I dropped everything and went to see him, he told me that he had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and had been given 4 months to live. (He was told this over the phone I might add). He honestly looked like he was going die any second, for a 58 year old man he looked like he was about 90 and it was heartbreaking. I live a good 100miles away from my Dad so stayed in a hotel for a couple of days so i could take him to his first oncology appointment. At the appointment he was told that at this stage there really wasn't anything that could be done as he was far too weak and that palliative care was the way forward. 
 

My Dad has never been one to take care of himself or ask/accept help. The flat that he is living in is an absolute state , and he won't allow anyone to help get it sorted so that it's in a liveable condition. He doesn't have a working toilet, oven, washing machine etc so he's living off take aways and using a laundrette. His oncologist said that she would help organise some assistance for him but this has not materialised. 
 

He has developed diabetes and finding this out has done wonders for him, his blood sugar is being managed really well and since the start of December he's put on 12kg and is finally eating a lot more normally. 
 

Due to his increase in weight and thankfully the cancer hasn't spread or grown he has been offered chemo. He opted for folfirinox. But I really don't think he has fully grasped how much this is going to knock him off his feet and that he's going to need a lot of help. He only seems to want to accept help from me and between working 60hours a week, having a 7 year old and the 100 miles between us I honestly don't think I can be there for him as much as he needs me. 
 

He has got it in his head that he's going to be totally symptom free and it's all going to be a piece of cake. In one way I guess it's good to have a positive attitude but I'm really concerned that he's going to struggle with all of this, he hasn't got around to getting the Covid vaccination as he doesn't have internet access and his phone is from the late 90s. I'm just really concerned that he's going to really struggle with all of this and I just can't be there to help him. 
 

thank you for reading my super long rant