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My dad is dying and i feel like a failure

lynn89
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hi i just need to get this off my chest,

i lost my grandad aged 89 on 11/12/21 that day my heart shattered then my dad fell ill that week and we where told 2 weeks later my dad has lung cancer that has spread to his liver and brain having 13 tumours on his brain, we havent been able to grieve properly for my grandad (my dads father in law) and now i have a very short time left with my dad, i was doing alot of the caring this week on his discharge from hospital but his symptom management was not working i had his syringe driver upped but no better, tonight he got a bed in a hospice to help his symptom control and pain management, i just cant shake the guilty feeling that i have failed him and im scared he will not come home im absolutely broken and my heart is breaking. 

  • While I read through the forum I saw your post and wanted to stop by to welcome you to Cancer Chat, lynn89, although I'm sorry about the reason that brings you here.

    Losing a loved one is never easy and then to be given the kind of news you received about your dad within such a short period of time from losing your grandad must be so hard. I do hope you will find the support you need among us, as chatting with those who can relate - and we have many others here who have gone through a similar experience - does seem to help, so write as much as you need.

    I also wanted to share a page from our website you might find helpful. It's called Family, friends and caregivers and you can get tips there on how to support someone with cancer and how to take care of yourself.

    Stay strong, lynn89, and please remember we're here for you.

    Best wishes,

    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator

     

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    Hi lynn89 

    I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, this must be such an awful time for you.  Reading your post, I'm sorry you feel you've failed your dad but as a community nurse I think you have done the complete opposite, I have so much admiration for families looking after relatives at home.  In the hospice he will receive any breakthrough medication when he needs it, & won't have to wait on nurses coming to his home to administer it. 
    My dad has terminal cancer & his wish is to die at home, when the time comes I hope I can do everything I can to make this possible, but I know if his symptoms are unmanageable that might not be the case, to be honest I don't know how I'll cope with that. 

    you will find great support on this group lynn89 xx
     

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