Hi Kate55

Im sorry to hear that you are struggling. I can relate to the feeling of being overwhelmed as my husband was diagnosed with Oesophageal Cancer in October 2020 and there was a 14 week period of tests, scabs etc before actual treatment began. The unknown part is what I found most difficult.

In answer to your question I did try the Calm app which helped a bit.  I did and still am taking a low dose of anti depressants. I asked for psychological help on the  holistic assessment  which we had at the start of this journey. The upper Gi team who co ordinated the tests and treatment were brilliant to talk to. I guess you also have a named specialist nurse? I also had help from a community palliative specialist nurse before we were able to see the clinical psychologist.

I also found the old adage of one step at a time true. I call it 'walking the line' not looking too far back or forward just focusing on small things. Walking and getting out in the fresh air whenever you can is a help. My husbands diagnosis and part of his treatment was during lockdown so it was extremely difficult. 

I have heard Maggies (attached to some hospitals) are very good. Support from family and friends helps too but sometimes talking to a stranger helps. I used Macmillan nurses who I found helpful. 

Above all I suggest being kind to yourself. I defy anyone going through this type of situation to 'stay strong' or 'stay positive' all the time. Allow yourself to get upset and then find a way back to being ok again. We aren't super human. The very fact that you've asked for help is such a good step forward so be proud of yourself.

keeping the faith (sorry I have to say this lol)

Milly
 

Hi Molly, thanks for your thoughtful reply and I'm sorry to hear of your husbands cancer. One day at a time sounds good. I guess we have to just try to find our own way through and try things that might help distract. I just wish the thoughts were not quite so full on from the moment you get up until going to bed. I will reach out to the macmillan support team. Thank you

Hi Katie,

Yes I agree everyone deals with things differently. Distraction does help but I also found I had to deal with the situation as well. I hope it helps to know that my husband had FLOT chemo a mahusive op and mor FLOT chemo. It was hard but he got through despite life threatening complications after the initial operation and two more emergency operations. Our NHS staff are brilliant and thanks to them and my husbands physical strength and determination he made it through. I wasn't able to visit until he became critically ill. Anyway he is here and exactly a year to the day of diagnosis he was told he is 'visibly clear' the actual Oesophagectomy was text book. They got it all with good margins! 

I also have a friend who  has bowel cancer and was given 6 months and 5 years later she is doing well. Still receives treatment but lives a near normal life, going out and on holiday. 

I am part of an Oesophageal cancer chat and I guess there may be a similar one for bowel cancer you could join it it helped you? I didn't join j til we knew what treatment path my husband was following but just reading positive and supportive chats helped me and still does. I am trying to post less as we move forward but I wanted to reply to you to let you know that there are people who understand how hard it is but also there is hope. 
keeping the faith 

Milly