Hello Ragbags 1,

                            unfortunately he has fallen into the crisis is me mode rather than us,or has made a concious decision to push you away for fear of seeing you getting dragged down along with him and getting hurt..Its difficult for an outsider at a distance to say,just as sometimes it can be difficult for someone right on top of it to see,

                           My thoughts are there are two victims in this,the one suffering that does have the option of some degree of control,and the one around him desperately trying to help but being rejected and has little control if spurned,

 The one thing that is clear from your post is that you should seek outside help and counselling from someone that is one step removed from your situation,but has considerable knowledge and a deep understanding of the implications arising from .the issues you face

l would reccomend you get in touch with your nearest Maggies Centre,they understand only too well that the victims of cancer go well beyond just the sufferer.They were a lifesaver for me and provided an oasis of calm for a while ,giving me a chance to step off what felt like the inexorable crash of my existence, and see things in a more logical manner,helping me to cope and see the future l now enjoy today.

           l hope you seek the support that your post suggests you so desperately need, sorting you might make the difference in being able to sort the "us" ,

                                                                              tread lightly and breathe deep,

                                                                                                                                    David

Hi Ragbags, 

My Wife was diagnosed with grade 4 (Glioma) brain cancer almost 18 months ago. After surgery and chemo/radio that ended December 2020 she is now living with three monthly MRIs. Whislt her health is stable, shes not the same person. The condition is incurable so the future is a complete unknown.

Like your partner, my Wife can often be very obtuse, angry and hurtfull. Its because she is consious of her own mortality, this frightens her. I'm taken on the role of carer, its tough.

Be strong you are not alone. Ask for help from the specalist nurse team.

Above all never give up. You need each other.

Tony 

Thank you so much David that's wise advice and much appreciated.

Firstly let me say how sorry I am to hear the struggle you are both facing it's so hard & as you say the position of carer is almost no win . I only hope that by giving him a bit of space he has time to process & realise that yes I'm tired but I need him too & thank you .