Visiting my dying grandma

Hi..basically I'm looking for some advice if possible please, so my grandma was diagnosed with lung and stomach cancer a few months ago, she's 83..well apparently she's sleeping a lot most of the day now and "slowing down", so me and my sisters are going to see her and sit with her for a while, and apparently she has Christmas presents she wants to give us. I'm scared tbh. What should I expect/what do I do or does anyone have any kind of advice, ive never had cancer in my family before this, and I feel so guilty that she's dying, sorry if anyone else is going through this and thanks if anyone has any advicex 

  • I'm really sorry about your grandma Laura but it's great to hear that you and your sisters will be visiting her soon. I'm sure this will really lift her spirits, especially when she gets to see you all open your Christmas presents.

    I think it's only natural to be scared, especially when you're not sure what to expect, but I hope this information we have about the latter stages of a cancer diagnosis will give you a rough idea of how she may be. Marie Curie have a lot of useful information and advice on caring for someone with a terminal illness, so it my be worth reading through some of the articles on there as well but if you feel it may help to talk things through with one of our cancer nurses then you're very welcome to get in touch with them on 0808 800 4040, Monday - Friday between 9a.m - 5p.m.

    Hopefully some of our members will share their stories and advice with you soon but in the meantime, I hope the visit goes well and you are able to spend some quality time together. Your grandma loves you Laura and underneath it all, is the same person she always was.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Laura I'm so sorry about your Grandma but I'm sure she'll love visits from your sisters and yourself. My 81 year old husband died from cancer only a few weeks ago. He gradually slowed down and slept much of the time but was always responsive when any of the family visited, he loved seeing them. I don't know how recently you've seen Grandma but if it hasn't been for a while you'll probably see some signs of frailty which might shock you a little but she's still your Grandma so please don't be scared. My best advice is just be natural also ask her if there's anything she would like you to do, or get, for her, and act on her reply. I was with my husband 24/7 but inevitably when either of our sons visited he asked them to do things, always something I'd already offered to do or could do easily but I suspect he was trying to take some pressure off me. He was always worn out after their visits but showed no sign of it when they were here so maybe a few short visits rather than a long overwhelming one? Maybe your Grandma would enjoy you massaging her hands with cream or  gently washing or brushing her hair, anything she loves and makes her feel better but finds difficult to do herself now?  Don't feel guilty at all that she's dying, it happens to us all, but you'll be making it much calmer for her just knowing that you love her. I don't know if this helps you at all but I hope it does. Most of all enjoy being with your special relative.. xx