Hi,

My dad has terminal bowel cancer that spread to prostrate and bladder. He was in hospital for 5 weeks for a small and succesful op on his lung and was told he was cancer free. (He had elape surgery on bowel last year and was told all cancer gone but the wound was just taking a long time to heal so this tiny nodule was last bit to be removed).

Whilst in hospital though his wound on his rectum began to have problems and after 5 weeks in hospital they told my sister and i the cancer had returned there and he would be sent home with palliative care. It was a huge shock as we (and dad) had been assured it had all gone.

The consultant and my sister and i tried to tell him the news in hospital but he only heard what he wanted to hear which was that they would give him medicines at home and no further treatment. As there was no timescale given, he has taken this a years.My sister and I have been told it is weeks and now he is declining quickly.

Because he has changed the reality in his head and is a very positive person that never wants to hear negatives, he asks us daily "I am going to get better though arent i?, I will be able to go to Spain in March right?". Then follows it up with "Only tell me the positives". So we are a bit stuck. He is struggling and needs assistance but is reluctant because he doesnt want to give in and I love that about him. However I feel guilty lying. I also feel sad because his friends and family want to come and see him but he says he wants to wait until he is feeling better, there are things I want to ask him about his wishes but I dont know how to broach and there are opportunities he is passing up that will make him more comfortable because he thinks they arent needed. 

Am I cruel to tell him that he is not going to get better and that he needs to enjoy the time he has left, not put things off, take advantage of medicines that will decrease his pain and give him the opportunity to carry out any wishes he has? Or am I cruel to not let him live in his fantasy that he will be back down the pub with this girlfriend in a few weeks.

His poor girlfriend wants to see him but he keeps saying she should wait until he is fit and well again.

Please advise me.

Sarah