I'm pursuing prophylactic double mastectomy due to a 1 in 3 risk of breast cancer, shaded a bit by my mum's breast cancer not showing on mammogram, so screening mammograms will never feel as reassuring as the data says they should be. I have an appointment with a surgeon on Tuesday. I'm disabled (wheelchair user), so I know some reconstruction options are off limits but not much more than that. It's also a motivating factor in aiming to prevent rather than spot early - I don't want to have to make decisions that might affect my future independence and mobility at speed.

Coming to the conclusion that prophylactic double mastectomy was what I wanted to pursue was all made with reconstruction in mind. My mum randomly said a few days ago, why get a reconstruction when you'll be symmetrical. That made me feel that she simply doesn't get it, but I realised it was worth thinking about. I feel like it would make me always aware of what I've done, but then I think I would be anyway. I'm single and somewhat resolutely so, I don't have to worry about what a partner thinks. I suspect being me, I'd go without a prosthetic most of the time, which is a big step to take. 

Right now I have zero emotions, but I expect that won't be the case throughout the entire process, there will be some sense of loss. My mum didn't have an especially bad time of things, especially compared to what some ladies go through, but changing the statistics on that will be a huge relief, I'm getting pretty close to her age at diagnosis, her tumour may well have even started to grow at my current age, so that cloud over me is getting bigger and greyer.