Urgent Advice Needed

I am really hoping someone can help me. My mum had a large mass removed from her small bowel 8 weeks ago. It took 7 weeks for the results to come back, in which they diagnosed her with an aggressive Lymphoma. The doctor said pathology are still trying to pin in down to what type it is, but finding suggest a strange acting Hodgkin’s mixed with a B cell and a T cell. Further CT has suggesting findings of this already in the liver and lungs, leading to the partial collapse of one of mums lungs. She is currently on the haematology ward and was supposed to be started chemo at the start of the week however the doctors say she is not well enough and yesterday told us they will be pulling her medication, steriods etc to make her comfortable for end of life care. My mum seems oblivious to this and is battling to do her best to fight. She even got up and showered yesterday, pushed herself to walk and eat etc but my heart is breaking that this is all for nothing. My family are finding it hard coming to terms with her being left with no treatment option and seeing her sitting up speaking away to us. What should I do? Could they have administered a lesser dose of chemo to see if there was improvement? She never responded to the steriods? I just don’t know what to say to her. Please help. 

  • Hello Jay123, and thank you for getting in touch,

    I’m so sorry to hear about your mum’s situation. This must be a very difficult and upsetting time for you and your family, especially after such a long wait for answers.

    It can be incredibly hard to hear that treatment isn’t an option. Decisions like this are made very carefully, weighing up the possible benefits of treatment against the impact of side effects, with focus often shifting to comfort and quality of life.

    Understandably, you’re unsure how to speak with your mum, especially as she seems to be carrying on as though treatment may still happen. People cope with difficult news in different ways. Some may focus on staying hopeful, or may not be ready to take in what they’ve been told fully.

    You might find it helpful to ask what she understands about the situation and let her guide how much she wants to talk. Listening and simply being there for her can be more helpful than trying to correct things. On our website, we do have information about supporting someone with cancer, which I hope is useful.

    If helpful, ask her team to review things with you both, or discuss whether a second opinion would be appropriate.

    If you’d like to talk this through, you’re very welcome to call one of our nurses on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday, 9am to 5pm.

    Take care, and please do get back in touch if you need more support.

    Jemma