My is my mum lying about the staging of her lung cancer

My mum had cancer in her right lung, found during a routine scan. She said it was caught early and had surgery to remove it. About a year later, a smaller tumour appeared in the left lung which was treated with radiotherapy... this was two years ago. In my naivety, I didn't research or question that it was another small tumour that was found early, and now frequent scans were needed to make sure nothing else pops up. Now I realise cancer in the second lung means that the cancer has metastised, making it a Stage IV diagnosis. This month, there was a shadow on her scan between the lung and kidney, which resulted in follow up scans. The most recent scans shows that the cancer in her left lung is stable (they have called it 'nodular soft tissue attenuation at the left upper lobe', but blocks part of her airway, and there in enlargement in her liver, and swelling and calcification in her adrenal gland. She also has other smoking-related complications like emphysema and COPD.

The part that baffles me is that she claims after speaking to her Oncologist, she is "free of cancer" and that she doesn't have a stage (and never had been given one)... let alone a Stage IV. She is just waiting to be signed off as "all clear" when the time comes. I don't have access to her doctors or nurses and she is my only source of information. She always lies about or delays information like this until the worst of it has passed, for example she had thorough testing for breast cancer before all of this and she didn't tell anyone until she got the all clear.

Is she lying about the severity of her cancer? How do I tell her I know she's lying? Any advice would be gratefully received. 

Parents
  • Hi CapricornOne

    Your poor mum has been through a lot, I'm so glad for her that there is no detectable cancer. Ive never been given any cancer stage either, this seems to be normal practice in UK NHS. Although my prognosis of metastatic and incurable would suggest stage 4. Speaking from the point of view as someone living with cancer, your mum has a right to privacy about her health which should be respected. I'd suggest that for the sake of your relationship that you do not tell her 'she is lying' It is up to her when and what she wants to reveal about her personal health issues. Even though sharing with her loving and concerned daughter would ease the burden.

    Ed

Reply
  • Hi CapricornOne

    Your poor mum has been through a lot, I'm so glad for her that there is no detectable cancer. Ive never been given any cancer stage either, this seems to be normal practice in UK NHS. Although my prognosis of metastatic and incurable would suggest stage 4. Speaking from the point of view as someone living with cancer, your mum has a right to privacy about her health which should be respected. I'd suggest that for the sake of your relationship that you do not tell her 'she is lying' It is up to her when and what she wants to reveal about her personal health issues. Even though sharing with her loving and concerned daughter would ease the burden.

    Ed

Children
  • I can see your predicament it is ultimately your mum's choice as it would be yours,I was worried sick about the brother I share a house with he was diagnosed with lung cancer one week before I got my results and they sid a biopsy on his lung then when he went for the results they said it was cancer and took a dye scan,he went for the results of that  and they said we think it's an infection mimicing cancer and put him on 2 weeks antibiotics I was so grateful,but then another scan they said we are bringing you in to remove the cancerous part of your lung it has been so confusing from the start and different hospitals saying different things,He is 14 days post surgery after having a full lobectomy not doing bad and is awaiting the results of what they removed he has to wait till the 2nd of June for not even a face to face but a phone call so perhaps your mum may not know if she is coming or going like him however i wish you all the best for both of you,