Help please - mum has stage 4 lung cancer. There are things I want to know that my mum doesn't. How can I go about this without her overhearing/finding out?

My mums been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and more recently we were told she has cancer in her spine unsure if it’s metastatic or primary. I also have questions about timeline and further treatment after what she’s on disagrees more or stops working and what it all looks like. I’ve been waiting for mum to have an appointment for a while and now it’s on Monday but a phone call Im unsure I can get time off so late notice and don’t think my mum wants to do it this stuff over the phone and it means that I’m with my mum to use her phone but need get far enough away she’s not at risk of overhearing since she doesn’t want to know any of the information I would like to know and don’t want to wait the oncologists time. I have asked my mum to ask her oncologist what they are able to do whole being very aware how precious their time is!

Any advice or alternative ideas very welcome PLEASE!!!

  • Heya.

    Welcome to the forums in order to begin with. It is always a good idea to talk about your emotions. Call the helpline on 0808 800 4040 to find a nurse who can listen to your concerns. You can do this. Keep us updated too. Best wishes. Ask the team what her biopsy results were. Request a appointment to talk about treatment going forward as well  

    MacMillan have a number of information booklets that are useful. Take a look on their website to find some that are for your personal situation in question here. I hope this is useful. And a typed list of things to ask about is also a good idea. Here are two examples of things that are important to know about, tumour details and team contact information. Find out if there are any research trials or not. Other things to consider include length of treatment and medicine information. Breathe in and out  

    You may also want to know about surgeries and so on. Let us know if you have any other questions. We are all here for you. Distraction helps a lot. When I had rest days I did puzzles at home. I also read story books. I tried arts and crafts. Find a hobby that works well for you. On my chemo days I talked to lots of other people who were also undergoing treatment. There may be a trained counsellor who works at the hospital in addition. I’d start there. Reassurance is key.