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Help with knowing what to expect next - bladder cancer

Courts25
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Hi all, 

i just wondered if anyone has any experience with losing someone with Bladder cancer. My dad was given 4-6 months left in August, to we are praying for one last Christmas together. 

my dad was deteriorating slowly, and then all of a sudden he’s lost movement in both of his legs and his waste, everything is swollen and he is in unbearable pain. 

he is on Ketamine, methadone and morphine to the and control the pain but it isn’t helping as well as we think it should. 

the doctors have told us that my dads death is going to be a slow and painful one for him, because the cancer hasn’t spread to any of his vital organs. I guess I just want to know what to prepare for next, what happens when cancer takes a while to take over the body :(.  my dad is ready to leave the world now, as this is no life for anyone. 

  • Hi there and thanks for posting

    I am sorry to hear about your dad's situation, it must be such a difficult time for you all and to see him this way.

    You haven't said if your dad is under the care of the palliative care team but they are the experts in symptoms control and making sure patients are kept as comfortable as possible.

    If the pain relief isn't working they can change medications and doses to find a combination that works, so do let them know if your dad is still in pain. There are alternative things that can also be tried alongside medicines depending on the location and type of pain your dad is experiencing. Sometimes tens machines that send electrical pulses to the skin that can help ease pain or complementary therapies such as gentle massage, acupuncture or reflexology. There are also simple things like applying heat or cold pads to a part of the body that hurts, relaxing music and breathing techniques. There is more information about this on the things you can do to reduce cancer pain web page of the website.

    It is difficult to say exactly what will happen next or what to expect as everyone is different. The important thing is finding the best way through this and ensuring your dad is kept comfortable and given the best quality of life for as long as possible.

    I hope this helps but do speak with the doctor again when you can so your dad can be reassessed and more measures put into place for him.

    Do get back in touch anytime and if you prefer give us a call on 0808 800 4040, we're here weekdays 9-5.

    Best wishes

    Naomi

  • Offline in reply to CRUK Nurse Naomi

    Hi Naomi, thank you for your message. My dad is under the palliative care team, everyone says they are the experts however my dad has been in the hospice for 3 months now and none of their combinations have worked, I am not blaming them, as it must be so difficult to get it right, but I just wish they would. I am slowly losing faith in the people that are supposed to be giving him the best quality of life for as long as possible. It's one thing having to process my dad at the age of 51 is going to die, but it's another thing watching his last months being in this much agonising pain. 

  • in reply to Courts25

    Hi again and thanks for getting back in touch

    I am so sorry that your dad has been in the hospice for so long and they are unable to get on top of his pain. I can appreciate how upsetting this is for you to see.

    I would encourage you to ask to speak with the doctor again to explore if there are any other avenues of pain relief that haven't been tried as yet. Asking has his case been discussed with the wider palliative care team in the hospital just to make sure no stone has been left unturned.

    Are complementary and talking therapies available in the hospice and is your dad open to trying these things to help as well.

    In my years looking after cancer patients at the end of life it can sometimes be more challenging to manage younger patients pain. The emotional and mental affects of cancer can also contribute to physical pain and this is often more complicated to deal with.

    This sounds like a very challenging scenario but do keep talking and asking questions in the hope that something more can be done for your dad to make him more comfortable.

    I hope you also have support around you as it is also important you look after yourself too.

    As I said earlier do give us a call if you would like to talk it through over the phone.

    Take care

    Naomi

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