Need a view

My Mum has been dealing with breast cancer mets for 2 years. She’s 85. 

A  CT scan now reveals cancer in liver (2 nodules) and bowel and it’s already in her stomach. She is at home, but she’s frail. Anorexic. Still looking after herself though. My brother lives 5 minutes away. 

I work overseas and I’m due to go home July 4 but I’m just so confused about whether I should try and go earlier or am I being dramatic? 

She had blood tests done by a MacMillan nurse - first time she’s seen a MacMillan nurse. Does that intimate that they think she’s only going downhill faster? 

My brother doesn’t seem to know much either, although he and his wife are amazing and they’ve relayed everything they’ve been told. 

What am I asking. I’m asking if this liver mets accelerates fast? 

I don’t want to alarm her by arriving out of the blue, but I need to know how long she will be with us. 

god, just such an awful thought process. Thanks. 

  • Hello, and thank you for posting. I am sorry to hear about Mum.

    Unfortunately, I am not going to be able to give you the exact answers that I know you would like.

    Prognosis (how much time is left) is very difficult to judge unless a patient is in your care; that said, when you get home, you may well see changes already yourself, and disease that has travelled to the liver does cause more strain on the body.

    The Macmillan nurse that she saw, if that was at home, might be a palliative care nurse. It is not unusual to get these teams involved when patients are at home with a non-curable disease that is changing, as they are experts in symptom control and are good at trying to improve the quality of life for these patients. They are also there to help provide emotional support and guidance to relatives at this time. Your brother or sister in-law could be there at their next visit. Or, if Mum permits her health information to be shared, they could call them and chat about the bloods and where the team feels Mum is at.

    When it comes to whether you should go home early, sometimes this has to be instinct, and if you feel you need to travel home sooner, you might need to talk to your workplace. Having quality time with mum before she changes further, or making sure she has in place what she needs, might be things you want/need to do so that you always know you did.

    Take care, and if you want to talk things through with the nurses the number is 0808 800 4040. Lines are open mon-fri, 9-5. 

    Sarah.

  • Thank you Sarah. 

    I feel horrible to be thinking about when Mum will die. What a vile thought to have about your Mum. 

    yet I feel I need to know for all manner of reasons, not least to try and process. Try and prepare. 

    Thanks for your words.