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Bowel cancer, bladder cancer & lies

Its_me_again
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Hi,

My husband recently had a radical cystectomy with prostate & local lymph node removal for CIS & G3pt1 bladder cancer. He is recovering remarkably well, is used to his urostomy bag and we are now waiting results as to whether he's now all-clear. 

My issue is not with my husband but with a neighbour. She claims to have had a recurrence of bowel cancer just a couple of weeks before my husband was due his surgery. This was about 10 weeks ago. Me and my husband have a strong suspicion that she is lying (possibly for attention) as she said she was having 6 weeks of once per week chemotherapy to treat the cancer. The day after her "first chemo" she shaved all her hair off and said it was already all falling out...

Fast forward to now and her hair looks like thick and healthy regrowth from just shaving her head, no bald spots or thinning. 

At first I felt bad for her and when we bumped into each other she would often start talking about having upcoming appointments but when asked for what (as in a follow up, a scan, results, a surgery etc) she said she didn't know.

When I asked her if she would need surgery for the bowel cancer she said she didn't know. She had previously told me that she would probably be getting an ostomy bag (similar to my husband). 

Another odd thing is that she claims to have had an appointment today after a blood test. She told us she was told today that she is in remission. We think that is miraculously fast and only after 6 weeks. I thought recurrence of bowel cancer was complex. And we don't even know for sure if she'd even had bowel cancer before as when I asked what grade and stage her cancer was originally she changed the subject and always turns the question onto hoe my husband's cancer is.

Oh, she has previously told my husband that she's had breast cancer and lung cancer as well and said she only had chemo for those.

I wouldn't normally let these things get to me but having my husband have cancer and his mum currently having chemo for esophageal cancer I feel its a massive insult to be lying to our faces, when we are going through the real deal. 

Does her treatment for bowel cancer seem usual? Am I being a horrible person!?

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    No, you are not being horrible.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer 6 years ago, and I was amazed when 3 Women in my close circle claimed that they also had cancer.  One of them was my cousin. The reason that I knew that they were making it up, was because so many things they said simply did not make sense.    I won't bore you with the details, but it became blindingly obvious that they were lying, and I have since discovered that this is something that is not unusual.  It seems that there are people in this world that crave attention so much that they actually pretend to have serious illnesses.   Six years on, I am terminal.  I don't have any contact with these Women any more because I can't help feeling absolutely disgusted with people that would lie about something like this, especially to a person who GENUINELY has this awful disease.  I know that some folks will say that these people should be pitied, but frankly, they disgust me.  MY pity is reserved for the people that are trying to fight this monster called cancer, and those of us that are praying for a miracle that will save our lives.  These people might think that their lies are 'harmless' but they are not......as you say, it is a massive insult to those that are suffering the real deal.  I would also like to add that when I went through chemo, my hair fell out in stages........it didn't fall out over night.  I know that from this one thing on its own, you can not decide if someone is lying or not, but when you put all of the inconsistencies together, it becomes obvious that these people are not telling the truth.  I wish you, your Mum and your husband the very best of luck, and try not to let your neighbour get to you too much.  Take care. 

  • Hello and thanks for your post,

    I am sorry to hear about your husband and your mum in law. You do sound like you all have a lot on your plate.

    It is difficult to comment on your neighbour without being involved in their care.

    Everyone's situation is very different when it comes to cancer and there can be many different ways that treatment can be given but I can't really say more.

    I do hope that the results are all okay.

    If you would like to ring and chat through anything to do with your husband or your mum in law you are very welcome to give us a call.

    The number to ring is Freephone 0808 800 4040 and the lines are open Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm.

    All the best,

    Catherine

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