I feel absolutely horrid about writing this post, but I really need advice/information on a friend's diagnosis.

Last year (2024), my friend revealed that she has lung cancer - in the bottom part of one of her lungs. Having experienced a family member battling this awful disease, I was devastated for her, especially as she has a young family, and I offered any support she needed - did she need help with her girls, did she want a friend for appointments etc etc. I asked her about treatment options too and she told me that she was waiting on different appointments, scans and so on.

Over the course of the next couple of months, I didn't really see her as she was busy with her family and working as a nurse, but I sent messages asking how she was getting on, she said that she was still waiting for tests to be done, no treatments had started yet but they were looking at starting hormone treatments.

I tried to ignore it, but there was a little thought in my head that said things didn't seem quite right. 

Google can be a best friend/worst enemy but I looked into lung cancer, different treatments, how curable it can be and so on.

At Christmas time, we finally met up for dinner with another friend of ours, we had a lovely time chatting - and inevitably we asked her how things were going with her health. She said she was still waiting on tests, but she was being scanned regularly to keep an eye on things. It was at this point she revealed she had refused to have a biopsy because she believed it could cause the cancer to spread, she also wanted minimum intervention and that until a nurse/doctor told her it was vital, she wouldn't accept any treatment, but at the same time she said amy treatments she did have would inevitably be preparing her for surgery. She spoke about getting tested for sleep apnea as well, but she was still working as normal, 12 hour shifts etc but she was being given light duties.

I know how aggressive lung cancer could be so I was taken aback about how blasé she was being. I'm also aware people deal with things differently and cope in their own way, so again in my mind, I'm trying just to be supportive of her decisions.

Later on that evening, I got in contact with her through messages to voice my concern for her, I believe I was very tactile in my questions, still being supportive etc - but I did come out and ask if she had a genuine diagnosis of cancer, to which she said she did, but she didn't seem to be put out by my asking.

Last week our friend group arranged to go out again, during the conversation in the group chat, we asked our friend, as usual, how she was getting on, to which point she said she was getting treatment but that she was fine, however she didn't want to talk about it - now, we've been friends for over 15/16 years, have been through marriages, divorces, pregnancies, deaths of family members, illness and injuries - all sorts of life events, so it has just seemed strange that she's put the barriers up.

We met last night and kept things as normal as we could, one of the girls spoke up and asked how treatment was going, to which my friend replied she was fine, she was taking pills for the cancer as well anti sickness injections. She also told us that she had lost 2 stone in weight since Christmas - and I'm sorry to sound bitchy here, but she hasn't at all. From a visual perspective she looks healthy, she has nice colouring in her face, she's a bit quieter however she is the same size as when we saw her just a few weeks ago.

Another thing to mention is that a close friend of my friend (not really a friend of min) is battling breast cancer, going through chemo etc and part of me wonders if there's a bit of copycat behaviour going on.

I honestly feel like such a bad friend for saying all this but I'm so torn and conflicted about the whole situation. I obviously don't want my friend to be going through this cancer journey as she says, but I don't want her to be lying either. Almost a year with lung cancer, minimal treatment/interventions, things just don't add up - unless someone can tell me there is a mild form of lung cancer that isn't invasive and responds to medication only...

Apologies for the long post