Dealing with denial

My father has advanced bowel cancer and is now nearing the end of his life . He has had difficulty accepting his illness and has never talked about it pushing to the back of his mind since his diagnosis over six years ago . As a family we are having to care and support him but are finding it increasingly difficult as he is reluctant to engage with the palliative care team . When they ask how he’s feeling he says he’s fine and it is quite apparent that he is not . He is also becoming very agitated and getting cross about things very quickly. He has no appetite and sleeps for long periods . We are worried about how to manage this situation sensitively without upsetting him and just hope that he can be made to feel comforts in his final days /weeks . Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you 

  • Hello Katie72 and thank you for posting,

    I am sorry to learn of your father's situation this must be very difficult for you all. People deal with their cancer differently, some people find it helpful to talk about things, and other people can find it difficult to talk and shut down which is very hard and can be frustrating for loved ones.

    Denial can be a very powerful coping mechanism, it may also be possible that your father is trying to protect his family. I am afraid there isn't a magic answer, it might be the best way to support your father is just by being there and listening to him. It might help to have a chat with the palliative care team who are involved in his care as they may be able to help your family with this. There is some helpful information on the Marie Curie website when someone's in denial which I hope will be useful.

    I hope you can get support for yourself at this time and that you have family and friends that you can lean on. You are welcome to talk things through with one of our nurses on the helpline. We are available between 9 am and 5pm Monday to Friday and the freephone number to call is 0808 800 4040.

    Kind regards,

    Jemma