End of life care question

One of my parents has throat, lymph, lung & stomach cancer, no more treatment is being offered. They have no pain or discomfort and feel well apart from they can no longer eat or drink as it all comes back up straight away. They have been in hospital now for 2 days on various drips because of this and has now had a tube fitted down their nose into their stomach. 
I was telling a friend who is a nurse what was happening and she suggested we try and get them out of hospital and to the hospice. I really need someone to give me a heads up if this will now be maybe the end or could they carry on for a while longer like this and the tube? Im really struggling not knowing now what time frame we have. We have never been told because my parent with cancer has said they’d rather not hear the prognosis but the people who are closest around them are now left feeling so confused as what we are dealing with, such as should we take time off, should we be trying to spend as much time as possible with them. No one seems to be saying anything or preparing us, i think because my parent is so well other than this throat tumour blocking things even they are saying they are not ready to go and i can see why but are we just in denial like how long can someone live just on a feeding tube? 

  • Hi Zs

    I'm saddened to hear your parent is on palliative care and you are struggling not knowing the prognosis.

    'should we take time off ?'   definitely

    'should we be trying to spend as much time as possible with them? '  yes before they become too unwell - no matter how long away this is. You have probably been doing this already.

    Yes you can live a long time with a feeding tube, but if a health care professional is suggesting a hospice it is probably a cue.

    Just enjoy as much time as possible with your parent and give them what support you are able to.

    Best wishes

    Ed

  • Hello Zs13 and thanks for your post,

    I am sorry to hear about your parent and I can understand how you want them to have the care that is right for them.

    It may be a good idea with your parents permission to try and have a conversation with the nurses or doctors involved in their care about any future plans so you know how best to support them over the coming weeks.

    If they have only been in hospital for a couple of days they may be trying to stabilise them with fluids and nutrition particularly if they have had a period of time with out them. If they also have pain they may want to get this under control.

    It is important that you find out what your parent wants. It maybe easier in the next few days when your parent feels a bit stronger to have these conversations. Their team at the hospital will want to take in to account what your parent wants and if they are reluctant to go in to a hospice your parent need to know what help and support they may be able to get at home if this what they want to happen.

    I know how sensitive and difficult these conversations can be. How long someone has got is a difficult subject for a doctor to accurately predict but they may be able to give you more of an idea over the next couple of days. The team at the hospital are in a better position to make this assessment as they have all their medical information.

    I do hope that you find out more soon.

    You are welcome to ring and chat through any of this with one of the helpline nurses.  The number to call is Freephone 0808 800 4040 and the lines are open from 9am till 5pm Monday to Friday.

    All the best,

    Catherine