Hello TracyJ72 and thanks for your post,

I am sorry to hear about your situation. There is so much that you have to both take onboard and I can understand how hard it must be getting your head around it all.

The urologist may be reluctant to talk to you about sexual activity until after he has done the surgery and he has found out more information about your husband's cancer.

You may find the following links helpful. We have some information about bladder cancer and surgery and how your husband may be affected. You can look at the information on 

this subject here.

CORST stands for College of Sexual and Relationship therapists and it may be helpful to get in touch with them to a view to finding a therapist who may help when your husband recovers from surgery.

Prostate Cancer Research have some useful information and resources about this subject which you both may find helpful to look in to.

They have more information and support for sexual problems

After the surgery it will take your husband time to recover and he may not be ready to commence sexual relations for several weeks but it is good to try and get help and support when hopefully he will feel stronger and healing after the surgery has happened.

Do continue to have these discussions with his surgeon and specialist nurse. There may be psychosexual support at the hospital or the stoma nurse may well be aware of what help your husband can get.

I do hope that the surgery all goes well.

You are very welcome to ring and talk through any of your concerns with one of the nurses on the helpline. The number to call is Freephone 0808 800 4040 and the lines are open from 9am till 5pm Monday to Friday.

Best wishes,

Catherine