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I feel guilty

KJ25
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Hi I was diagnosed with rectal cancer in June.  I underwent 5 weeks of radiotherapy and chemo tablets 5 x a week (25 session's)  I've just had 10 weeks of waiting while the radiotherapy carries on working.  I've just seen consultant today after MRI scan and CT scan last week and cancer has shrunk enough to operate (in around 4 weeks)  my auntie died of cancer last nov and her daughter in law died a few weeks ago (my cousins wife) I'm 58 she was 49.  I just went to her funeral 3 days ago.  Is this normal.  Im feeling guilty that I could be cancer free in a month or so and they both died.  My uncle and my cousin arev upporting me but I feel so bad that they have buried people they love but are happy my treatment is working...why do I feel so low.  Sorry if I'm just being stupid x

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    Hi KJ

    This is quite a normal emotion for all of us with cancer. During the time Ive been receiving treatment I've lost my father to cancer - kidney, my next door neighbour - pancreatic, my uncle - lung, my friend - lung, my friend - lung, my friend - liver, my friend - breast, my friend - liver, my gardening friend - bowel.

    Each funeral I've grieved and wondered why they passed away but I'm still here and had that guilty feeling.

    Soldiers returning from war also experience it, why their comrades were killed but they were spared.

    If you cannot reconcile this in your head, it might help to speak to someone who can help you understand why you feel this way. Mcmillan nurses or the nurses here are a good place to start.

    Best wishes for the success of your cancer treatment and coming to terms with the guilty feeling.

    Ed

  • Offline in reply to Farmer_Ed

    Thank you so much for your kind words and I'm so sorry for all your losses.  Best wishes to you xx

  • Hi there KJ25 and thanks for the post

    I am sorry to hear about the loss of your aunt and her daughter in law recently, this is understandably a difficult time for you.

    It is natural for anyone undergoing cancer treatment to go through a series of different emotions along the way. However losing other loved ones to cancer at the same time is especially tough, so be kind to yourself.

    I am sure your family and friends will be so pleased that you are doing so well, there really is no need for you to feel any guilt.

    I hope the surgery goes well but please do get back to us if you need any more information or support.  You may find it helpful to talk things through with one of the nurses on our helpline.  The number to call is Freephone 0808 800 4040 and the lines are open from 9am till 5pm Monday to Friday.

    Best wishes

    Naomi

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