Bowel cancer

My dad was very poorly he stopped eating and didnt really drink for 5 days . He lost a lot of weight towards the end . He went to the toilet earlier hours of saturday morning and didn't have the strengh to get of the toilet my brother had to get him of and put him to bed . That is where he stayed untill he passed . My dad was a very strong minded person he never lost that .He let people come and see him while he was in bed which wasn't like my dad . He didn't seem to mind that he was just in his shorts and tshirt so you could see how much weight he had lost which wasn't my dad . He was talking to us like he always did . On the Tuesday he did alot of sleeping that day . At the night time I was watching telly with him and he threw his arms up in the air while he was asleep which scared me then he woke up and started to say think we need to go to bed , I said you are in bed .The next morning on Wednesday he woke up and said he felt weird . We changed my dad cause he went incoinent and he wanted us to hurry with him . By 10 o'clock am he started getting agitatied moving all over the bed and we couldn't really understand him . The nurse was there watching him and my brother said he needs something.  The nurse gave my dad something which I don't know what it was because I came out of the room . Then I went back in and he was just staring into space not even trying to talk . Then 12.15 pm he passed away . I just can't  get it why it all happened so quick after the injection which I don't know what it was she gave him that he passed . It is playing on my mind that his death was hurried . I am thinking could we have had longer with him if we got him out of being agitated. 

  • Hello Roses and thanks for your post,

    I am sorry to hear about your dad. I can understand that as it has only recently happened you must still be trying to come to terms with it all.

    I can't say what happened in the final few minutes before your dad passed away but it does sound like he was relatively peaceful when it happened.

    The nurse involved will have made notes about it all and you may find it helpful to chat it through with the nurse or your dad's GP.

    Everyone's death is very different and the aim will be to make a patient as comfortable as possible towards the end of life. It is difficult to predict how long someone has got to go when a patient is so ill. You said in your post that your dad had stopped eating and drinking for five days beforehand and it maybe that his body had started giving up.

    It is important that you now try and get some support for yourself. 

    We have some general information about coping when someone has passed away which you might find helpful to look at.

    Macmillan have some information about what to do after someone has died

    You may find it helpful to look at the information on our website about coping with grief

    I do hope that you manage to get some help and support. It does take time to get over the death of a close family relative so do give yourself time.

    You are welcome to ring and chat through any of this with one of the nurses on the helpline.  The number to call is Freephone 0808 800 4040 and the lines are open from 9am till 5pm Monday to Friday.

    All the best,

    Catherine