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Wendy-Toby
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My mum has been diagnosed with Sebaceous Carcinoma after having a lump removed from her lower eyelid , an MRI scan confirmed that cancer is still in her eye socket, it has spread to her now visible lymph nodes and at 92 has been given a matter of a few months , coupled with Alzheimer’s… 

I feel lost as to how to help mum , what to do or say , it’s tiring as I’m constantly repeating myself.. how long is a few months, she’s more forgetful in this last month , is this the cancer gathering speed , consultant and myself don’t want to put mum through anything else .. it’s this limbo land 

  • Hi Wendy-Toby,

    I'm so sorry to hear of the situation with your mum.

    I just wanted to send a reply to your post to say that the nurses have a one-off training day today, but you will get a response from one of them once they are back.

    I can see you have also had a reply from another of our moderators a few days ago. I hope that the forum can be of some help to you at this time.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Ben

    Hi Ben , 

    thank you so much for your reply , I spoke with one of the nurses yesterday who was very kind and helpful.. 

    I think the hardest bit is it’s a waiting game , a few months could potentially be 2 weeks , 2 months , 8 months , and like all of us we don’t want to see our loved ones suffer .. I’m just struggling to get my head around that day by day I’m losing mum 

  • Hi Wendy-Tobey, and thank you for your post,

    I believe I spoke to you about your mum, I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time.

    I know we talked about the difficulty of knowing whether or not the cancer is getting worse or if it is Alzheimer's worsening and that there is a lot of uncertainty.

    I think I may have mentioned to you about getting the community palliative care team involved, as they will be able to assess your mum, help with any symptoms she may have, and advise you on how things are progressing. Your mum's team at the hospital or her GP can make a referral on her behalf. It is also worth having a chat with your mum's GP about what other support they may have available in her area.

    It is important that you have support and look after yourself during this time and you are very welcome to call us again if you need to talk things through with one of the nurses on our helpline. 

    Take care, all the best

    Jemma

  • Offline in reply to CRUK Nurse Jemma

    Hi Jemma , 

    thank you so much for your response.. and yes we did speak yesterday which was really nice under the circumstances.. one blessing with Mum having Alzheimer’s is she doesn’t remember what is going on , or what she has .. I have explained all the way through and in the moment there is clarity .. Mums decision to not have anymore surgery to try and remove remaining cancer in eye socket … Every day I lose a little more of her .. both cruel diseases 

  • Offline

    Wendy-Toby

    Hello Wendy just read your post,and I wanted to reach out to you as I know how hard it must be for you.  My mum had dementia and had broken her back and gee pelvis,my mum had had previous strokes before her falls. She had broken her right wrist and hand so wasn't good health wise  her left side was comprimised from her strokes,so both sides wernt great,what with her dementia as well.mum was bedridden,and had catheter in,and was bleeding from her back passage,after tests were done on her feces,and it came back that my mum probably had bowel cancer also. 

    Mum was 89 when she passed away in hospital, I was with her and my son was too.

    It's sooo hard seeing your parents go through such ill health, and being told that they are dying and it's so hard to deal with.  But how I got through it,was trying to stay strong for my mum,as I knew if I showed my mum I was scared,it would make my mum even more worried . When my mum would say,I'm going to die ,I used to say oh mum that's one thing that happens to us all,but none of us know when,let's not think about that,mums mind was all over the place,and mum started to see things and people that were not there. My mum had bad eyesight ,had dry macula diesese of her eyes too. 

    Just try to be strong in front of your mum,and the one thing I kept telling myself is,me and ny sister were lucky to have our mum live as long as she did,as many lose thier parents at an early age. My son and daughter and me lost thier father in 1997 to suicide i found him in our garage in the car,,he was just turned 41,my daughter was 15 ,my son was 12   at the time.

    It's so hard sometimes to cope with the things life sometimes throws at us,it realy realy is. 

    But don't beat yourself up and feel like you shouldn't be feeling the way you are,dementia is a terrible illness ,as you kinda lose your mum aa you've always known her to be,they change so much, they can have a good day,and you think that they are improving,but then wham thier mood, can change in a blink of an eye ,and they get really bad again.  That in itself is hard enough to deal with, but adding more illnesses to that is heartbreaking, as they can't really comprehend things or understand what's happening to them .

    Try to still do a few things that you yourself enjoy,even if it is reading or listning to music,a walk in  a psrk . And never be afraid to ask for some help to take the pressure of off you sometimes. 

    Big hugs sent your way.  Here if you need a chat  as I'm sure others on here who've been through or are going through simular things  on here will be too. 

  • Offline in reply to Jassoscared

    Jassoscared

    Thank you so much for your reply I really appreciate your time .. 

    Life certainly throws curve balls , I’m so sorry to hear your story .. 

    I never appreciated until coming into this chat just how cancer affects so many people , their carers , families and loved ones in so many different ways..So cruel 

    One Day at a time for us all , I’m keeping up with my running and cycling, helps me be better to support Mum 

  • Offline in reply to Wendy-Toby

    Wendy-Toby

    Hi Wendy, I'm glad your still enjoying your running  and it's helping you support your mum. A little bit of normality in your daily life is good for the soul. And yes cancer does affect everyone in so many different ways, it's not just the person who's been diognosed with it it's thier families ,and close friends cancer too as it affects them all. Stay strong  , at least the weather has been good the last few days,but soposed to get worse next week,rain is forecast  again. So we must enjoy it when it's here.

  • Offline in reply to Jassoscared

    Jassoscared 

    Hi how are you doing , sorry slow reply one of those weeks .. Monday weather great , not so cracky last 2 days 

    Saw Mum today and took her out for couple of hours which was lovely 

  • Offline in reply to Wendy-Toby

    HI Wendy,just saw your message . I've been ok thank you. Was nice to see the sun for those few days,it's soposed to ger warmer again soon,so weather forecasters say,let's hope so , just brightens everyone up I think.

    Glad you had a lovely day taking your mum out ,I went to theatre last night to watch My Fair Lady,meal befote the show  ,so that was nice. Hope your OK Wendy . Soon be the weekend again ,hope you can do something nice . Xx

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