Dad has cancer but won't talk about it

Hi,

My Dad has recently been diagnosed with incurable lung cancer and is undergoing chemo to extend his lifespan. The difficulty we are having is that we don't think he's telling us the full information. He's never been a talker and in his own way he's trying to protect us. Plus, I don't think he's dealing with it himself yet and is in some denial. Is there any way anyone can tell me what the life expectancy is under these circumstances? I don't want to hurt him by continuously asking questions, but I want to be prepared for what is to come and make sure he is happy, comfortable and do things he wants to do before the inevitable. He's 63 and the start of his chemo was brought forward due to the tumor growing...He's due his second chemo on Wednesday. 

  • Hello and thanks for your post

    I'm sorry to read about your dad's situation. This must be a difficult time for you both.

    People vary in how they cope with their cancer. We have some information on our website about cancer and emotions and tips for way of coping which you can read at this link.

    I can appreciate you want to know more about your dad’s prognosis. But I’m afraid I can't tell you very much, as someone's outlook will depend on several features of their disease, and it is such a hard thing to predict.

    Prognosis is really a question best answered by your dad's specialist team. This is because they are familiar with all his medical details and will know so much more about his individual situation. Doctors base their assessment of someone's outlook/prognosis on their experience of looking after other patients with the same cancer. This will vary to a degree, depending on a person’s age, extent of their cancer, their general health and their response to cancer treatments.

    If your dad has a lung specialist nurse involved in his care then perhaps they can provide you with further information. You often have to call and leave them a message and they will get back to you. They are happy to speak to relatives provided they have the patients permission to do so.

    We do have some information on our website about prognosis.  However I do not think this gives you the best idea on your dad's prognosis.  This is because it is not about him, it is based upon past studies. Statistics are not detailed enough to say what will happen to an individual person as lung cancer can behave differently in each person so you cannot predict with any accuracy what will happen.  You can see our information on prognosis at this link

    I hope this is of some help. Give us a ring if you would like to talk things over.  The number to call is Freephone 0808 800 4040 and the lines are open from 9am till 5pm Monday to Friday.

    Kind regards,

    Celene