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Lost my mum to lung cancer ten weeks ago. Questions for nurses.

Sheffdaug1172
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Hi

Lost my mum to lung cancer ten weeks ago. Only knew she had it six days before she passed. No support given by any cancer charity or the nurse for lung cancer that she had been assigned.. My sister and I are devastated. She went in with pneumonia and had already lived for years with blood cancer, which she managed well.

I have two questions.

1. Is there a time scale in which you can speak to the consultant in charge of her care. We know who they are and have their office number but aren’t ready to talk about it yet. We feel this is something we would like to do because we didn’t get the opportunity to fully talk to medical professionals at the time.

2. A question for the nurses. My mum had excruciating pain in her side and shoulder when she went in with pneumonia four weeks before she died. Would she have had any idea before that, that something was wrong? I’ve read that until it spread to her lymph nodes she would not have had any pain, is this true?

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    Also has anyone got any advice for me on how to deal with the grief. I know life will never be the same without her. But wondered what has worked for others in the past.

  • Hello there and thanks for posting

    I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum and can't begin to imagine what you are going through at the moment.

    Firstly there is no set time frame in which the family are able to speak to the doctors at the hospital about what has happened to a relative, so take your time and when both you and your sister are ready you can approach the hospital to arrange a meeting.

    These past few months must have been so difficult for you and I am sorry you haven't received the support that is needed at a times like this. It is normal to go through a series of emotions during the grieving process and there is no right or wrong way to feel or deal with the loss of a loved one. We have some information here that you might find useful to read about this.

    Do ask for support and let people know how you are feeling. If you are struggling don't be afraid to talk to your GP about how this is affecting you. They can help you in many different ways and refer you on to other services if needed. Some people benefit from medications for a short while whereas others will opt for bereavement counselling or some type of talking therapy.

    Sadly some patients do die very soon after a diagnosis has been made and this can be very tough on the family left behind. Cancer presents itself in patients in different ways and because of this the symptoms a patient has and when they first notice them will vary between individuals. Unfortunately lung cancer is often diagnosed at a later and more advanced stage as symptoms often don't present until the cancer has already spread beyond the lungs.

    If and when you decide to speak to a doctor to understand your mum's situation and what has happened this hopefully will give you greater understanding to help you process this better.

    Hopefully some other people on the forum who have gone through a great loss themselves will also reply to you and share some advice with you. However you may wish to post on the coping with loss thread as well as here.

    Do get back in touch if needed and feel free to call the nurse helpline any time weekdays 9-5 on 0808 800 4040.

    Take care of yourself

    Naomi

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