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I’m scared and worried that my Dad may have lung cancer.

PurpleBubbles567
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Hi, 

Words cannot express how worried I am for my father right now. He is a very heavy smoker, I think he smokes 3-4 packs a day and now he has some signs of lung cancer. Coughing A LOT, and it hasn't gone away, talking about chest pain, wheezing sometimes. I'm his 19F daughter and I live with him at home at the moment. My mother does not get along with him and never likes to talk to him so he won't listen to her. Me and my mother have tried to talk to him about going to the doctor about his health but he won't go. And he won't listen to us. He is very VERY stubborn and won't listen to us saying that he should go to the doctor. And just walks away when we talk about it, or he yells back at us. 
 

He has diabetes already. And now he's going to get cancer. Wtf. Im so upset. And my mum smokes as well so im worried about her. I don't know why his doctor that he goes to about his diabetes isn't doing anything about this. Like seriously what is that doctor doing?

I feel so helpless. But on the other hand he is seriosuly addicted and has smoked his entire life. He is almost 60. Sooner or later something bad will happen and I won't be able to do anything. Seriously I'm so worried. But I CANT DO ANYTHING IF HE DOENST WANT TO STOP. All throughout my childhood and teenage years I've begged him to stop and it makes me really really upset to have to sign up to a cancer forum to seek help for this because it's a disease. Smoking is a horrid disease.

I'm sorry if this is being emotional but I'm angry, upset, frustrated and it's like the stages of grief or something because it's hurting me to see him like this. And I want to talk to his doctor and just fix him or change this or do something. It feels like no one understands. 

What do I do? ): I want some advice and some support. 

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    Hi PurpleBubbles, sorry to hear you're having such a stressful time worrying about your dad. Until recently my mother-in-law smoked heavily. She started having a lot of wheezing and was diagnosed with COPD and given an oxygen tank for home. She still couldn't stop smoking and that's what addiction is like. It was only when smoking made her feel sick that she stopped. It's difficult to get help for someone if they're not yet open to it but as this is impacting on your well-being with the stress, you may want to talk to your own GP, mentioning the reason, and see what they advise. Your dad may well come round in time and you are there to support him. Best of luck with it xxx

  • Hello there

    I am so sorry to hear about your dad and it must be very upsetting for you seeing him like this and not seeking out the help he needs.

    As you say you are limited in what you can say or do. As long as a person has capacity they are responsible for their own health and actions and it really is their decision in what they do and the life they live. It sounds like both you and your mum are doing the best you can to try and speak to your dad and I would encourage you to keep doing this in the hope he will change his mind at some point.

    Whilst your dad's doctor cannot disclose information to you about your dad's health or what has been spoken at any appointments you can raise a worry to the doctor and they may be able to try and reach out to your dad.

    Whilst I can appreciate your worry about your dad having cancer do remember there can be many causes for symptoms and long term smoking often can cause a range of different lung conditions and health problems as well as cancer.

    In an ideal world your dad would be getting himself checked out by his doctor and any tests needed carried out to find out more so he can get the best treatment and help. 

    I would try and encourage you to find a time to sit down with your dad and have an open and honest conversation with him. Let him know how worried you are about him and what may happen to him in the future. Sometimes people need to hear how their actions are affecting their loved ones as a wake up call to do something about it.

    Take care

    Naomi

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