Thank you both,

I really hope you both get clear results very soon - I'm keeping everything crossed for you. I'm so proud of how you're both coping with these uncertainties.

I have to have another biopsy on Tuesday where they've said,  if I can tolerate it, they want to take three samples to ensure an accurate diagnosis. The node is over 3.5cm so big enough to go into a different part than last time. In all honesty I'm dreading it as it is not the most comfortable thing and the node capsule is rock hard. Still, hopefully that will be the end of this whole thing.

In all honesty the hospital have been amazing! I've had so much support and help and even a booklet with the staff names, photos and phone numbers. I can't fault the service they've given me. It's given me confidence that if I do need them I'll be fine!

So my plan now is: if it's benign then it's straight to surgery (although they have pre-warned me it's a complex surgery because of where the node is) and if it's not they will treat with radiotherapy, drugs and then possibly surgery.

Hope to know soon what's coming soon.

Take lots of care both - sending you strength and light xxx

Oh Rose, you're such a trooper. Whatever the outcome of the biopsies, this is all going to be over very soon. I can only imagine that the biopsy will be uncomfortable but hopefully it'll be super quick- and please make sure you line up a lovely treat for afterwards- your favourite dinner, a nice bottle of wine, a good movie.. something to look forward to as reward for being such a star!! 

Sallx- I really find I don't know where to untangle the anxiety from the facts sometimes. I have such a strong emotional reaction to everything. I'm quite a positive person generally but so catastrophic when it comes to my health! I think once you have this x-ray you will really be able to get some closure. Let us know when your appointment comes through. 
 

Have a great weekend ladies! One of my daughters is at a sleepover so me and my youngest had a little disco, played poker (!) watched a movie and now I'm in her bed having a 'sleepover' with the dog squished in between us haha! X

Hi ladies,

I had my ultrasound today, it went ok, they said the glands looked like completely normal reactive nodes. I wish I could say I feel better but I've got myself so worked up I still feel highly anxious. But anyway, it is a great news and hopefully my nerves will settle soon. 
 

Good luck with your biopsy Rose, do let us know how you get on xxx

Oh I'm so thrilled for you Danielle - that's excellent news :happy:

I completely understand that it will take you some time to unwind a bit for the good news to settle but it's such positive news before Christmas for you.

I had my second biopsy yesterday where they took 3 samples. It was a really difficult procedure as the node capsule is like stone and I had a doctor learning to do neck biopsies and my consultant doing it. 50 minutes of my neck being pushed really hard :cry: Very sore and bruised now but it's done! Consultant was convinced they got 3 good samples so I'm keeping everything crossed that this will be the end of it! She also said I should know before Christmas what we are looking at but I remain convinced it's benign. 

Hopefully I'll get my good news like you Danielle very soon!

Well done for having your ultrasound and I hope you manage to start to relax very very soon xxxx

Thank you Rose, I've just spoken to my family and had a bit of dinner so I feel a little bit more settled :-) 
Oh my gosh, well done for yesterday! It's done now, worst of it is over. Now you can get answers and a plan. Glad you are staying positive, there is every chance it is benign. Keep your chin up and enjoy Christmas, at least you and I have got Covid out of the way! Xxxx

That's fantastic Danielle! I'm so pleased for you. I'm sorry you still feel anxious, but hopefully that will ease in time. I felt exactly the same at first. I spent so long worrying and preparing myself for bad news, that when the doctor said they were reactive lymph nodes, I was so happy-but it also takes a while to take it in and switch your way of thinking. 

I find myself not thinking about it for days now, then my neck will hurt slightly/twinge, so naturally I have a feel and notice that there's still lots there, which restarts my worry all over again! My eldest daughter was very poorly when she was little and she had lots of swollen lymph nodes in her neck. She is now 11 and they're still there, so I know first hand that it can be normal. 

I hope your stomach issues are better now too.

Hopefully you can have a lovely, worry-free Christmas now. Xxx 

Hi Rose, 

Aww I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Well done for getting through it-another hurdle crossed. I hope you're managing to have a very well deserved rest now to recover. 

I'm so glad you're remaining so positive. It really is the best way to be! Just look at me, absolutely worrying myself sick and convincing myself its the worst possible outcome...I think its a defence mechanism in a way! If I prepare for the worst, then nothing can catch me off guard. But really, I end up worrying myself and being miserable for days/weeks, when there is no need! You just end up hurting yourself with that attitude. Whereas your attitude is amazing Rose, and I think we all need to take a leaf out of your book! 

I am hoping, praying and keeping everything crossed that you get some amazing news any day now. Keep smiling and stay strong xxx 

Good evening both - how are you doing?

I was due to get my results this morning via telephone consultation with my consultant. Long story short - the results are not ready and there's apparently no sign of them being available imminently :cry:

I had my whole heart set on getting the all clear today, just in time for Christmas but, unfortunately, I still have some waiting to do. I'm absolutely gutted. I am sorry for moaning and I do understand there's bigger things going on in the world right now. I just wanted so badly to be able to have Christmas without this hanging over me.

Still, tomorrow will be better and I'm sure I'll be feeling less sorry for myself in the morning!!

Sending you both light and strength and again, sorry for moaning! Xxx

Hi Rose, 

Aww I'm so sorry to hear that! It's ridiculous how long you've had to wait. It must be absolutely awful for you, especially after being told the results should be today and getting let down. 

Please don't apologise - thats what we're here for if you ever need a chat or someone to talk to. I hope they manage to get the results quicker than currently expected. But if not, then I really hope you manage to have a nice Christmas. Its easy to say try not to think about it, but I know that's pretty much impossible. So try to stay strong and positive as you have been throughout, and hopefully you'll have some amazing news to take into the new year with you. Xxx

Oh Rose, how maddening.. I can not believe it is taking so long for you to get your results, this is where we are seeing the effects of COVID and the backlog of work that is stacking up. How frustrating that you won't know before Christmas, I'm so sorry. However, this changes nothing really- you still have a plan regardless of the outcome, and you can continue to feel just as sure everything is well. 
 

Sometimes I allow myself 30 mins to worry, wallow and generally feel ***, then I say to myself- I'm doing other stuff now. I'll come back to this tomorrow when I can have another 30 mins of being anxious. I think it's helpful to compartmentalise things if you can. 
 

It sounds like you won't know much more til New Year now. Make sure you keep yourself busy in the week inbetween so you don't find yourself ruminating. I'm sure you will have plenty to do. Hope you manage to enjoy your Christmas best as possible, and you Sallx.. have a great one. Will be thinking of you Rose. Here to chat anytime btw!! Xxx