Mrs G, I am glad that  my pinched sandwich gave you a laugh!  I lived all my life in London, because of family and work commitments.  Coming down to west Dorset on the Devon border in 2009 has been my dream of living by the sea. I understand how you feel about work tomorrow, facing collegues whose world is  turning as usual but yours is full of uncertainty and anxiety.  My needle biospy is on Wednesday and than two days of work.  It  is hard for me to keep a brave face, I wear my heart on my sleeve.  Good luck tomorrow, I am always here for you. xxx

Hi Lyn

i love Devon and Dorset.  It’s the perfect location

How was your day?   Being back at work was ok.  My team were great and really supportive and it did take my mind off things.   I feel quite calm but then I get a surge of adrenaline when I remember the issue.  It’s so hard to stay positive at times.  Thinking of you xx

To be honest, I am feeling sick with worry now and feeling very negative.  We are helping a friend do up a house that he has bought to let.  The previous tenants left it in a state and it needs decorating from top to bottom.  We spent the day there and I had hoped that keeping busy would help my mind but it didn’t  really.  Depression is setting in, I know that is sounds ridiculous when I haven’t had any results yet, but anxiety can affect me in that way.  I have an old friend who I haven’t seen for a couple of years due to come down for a few days on the 10 August, this was arranged months ago.  My biopsy is tomorrow and I hope to goodness, I will hear from them a week later with some results, that will be about the 8th or 9th. I was so looking forward to seeing her, but I am not good company with all this hanging over me and may have to cancel.  I will be speaking to her tonight. My husband has gone to work today so I am alone with my beloved dogs, I just feel like staying in bed.  Sorry to be so gloomy, but waiting is taking its toll on me.  I am glad that you are coping and staying calm most of the time, thank you for our chats, they really do help.  Will let you know how it goes tomorrow. xxx​​​​​​ 

Hi Hunter, just wanted to wish you a good holiday and hope that it will take your mind off things. xxx

Hey Lyn

You will find your inner strength.  It is so all consuming the worry and anxiety but hopefully tomorrow will go well and your one step further to knowing what you are dealing with good or bad.    I hope talking to your friend helps.  Why not wait until you get your results before deciding whether to cancel.  I am sure your friend will understand and you never know you could even be celebrating good news.   One step at a time Lyn - you  can do this whatever the news.    I’m taking the approach of not letting worrying about tomorrow spoiling today.   

What time is your appointment tomorrow?   Is your husband going with you?  I will be thinking of you and sending lots of positive vibes your way xxx

Hi Hunter, hope you’re doing ok?  Just wanted to wish you a lovely holiday.   I hope you manage to relax and enjoy yourself xx

My biopsy is for 11.00 am tomorrow, I am not looking forward to it, but any physical pain or discomfort will be nothing compared to my anxiety the last few weeks.  My friend phoned tonight and we had a chat, she is such a calm person she said that I needed an antidepressant because I am the most anxious person she knows and my serotonin levels must be low.  I did tell her that it might be best to cancel her visit, because I will be poor company until I get the results  which will hopefully be the day before she is due to arrive.  She said leave things as they are, she has booked 4 days leave from work, and has wallpaper  ready to decorate her bathroom if I cancel.  Honestly, I would have preferred to have cancelled.  I am a planner and like things organised in advance and hate uncertainty.   Sods law too, a cousin, who I only see about every 2 years usually at funerals with no contact in between, phoned just now to say that he and his two brothers and their families with my elderly aunt are visiting Bridport on Thursday  for a meal  and invited us to join them.  Last time we saw them was in November at my uncles funeral!  I expained the situation and, sadly, had to decline.  It's just the way I am.  Your approach is  the most sensible, if only I could adopt it.  Keith is coming with me tomorrow, I will be ok with the procedure, just something that has to be done.  Talking with friends and I have only told a few, is harder than talking to lovely people like you going through the same experience.  I appreciate your thoughts and positive vibes.  Will let you know how I get on tomorrow, I dont expect any problems. xxx

I am glad your friend was calm and maybe a trip to your GP is needed.  They can give you something for your depression/anxiety.  I too am a planner and hate things being up in the air.  Try not to think about your friend coming.   She has a backup plan so even if everything is ok you can cancel and reschedule.   You need to think about doing what is best for you.  People that love you understand this.   That’s a shame about your family get together but it is harder to put a front on with family so completely understandable you declining their invite.  

I am glad Keith is going with you. How is he coping with it all?  My husband has been my rock but I know he is worrying .   My kids have been great too and are coping well though my daughter has been tearful the last  couple of days.  The waiting is getting to them too.  Only a week to go.

Good luck today - another hurdle will soon be done.  Xx   

Thank you, yes Keith is coming, probably leave in about an hour.  I want to get there early, last visit I didn’t even get enough time to go to the loo before I was called in!  I will message you later.  I accidentally deleted your message this morning before I could read it.  Concentration all over the place. xx