Hi everyone since my last post I have had 2 failed smear tests- the first one was in early March and that lasted for 20 minutes- the first attempt where I felt like I was burning alive and going through torture (luckily the nurse I had was very sympathetic and kind) my second was a few weeks around the end of March, I had menstruated so I thought it would be a more successful attempt as I had just had my period (mine arent regular but I'm a virgin and the nurse said it could be normal for me but different for someone else as everyone is different) I trust my body that there is nothing wrong with me though I am having pains in my chest from being accidentally hit by a hockey ball and brought this up with her and hopefully going to have an appointment to get my chest/breast bones examined as the pain is more recent lately (I currently do boxing and baseball) at my second appointment I had music to try and relax me, had to place my hands in fists under my lower back but I still couldn't have the smear test done the nurse tried again but said she would refer me to a gynaecologist to have it done with them as I'm not at risk, I understand how important it is to have the test done (all my friends have had theirs without sedatives but they are sexually active so I know the pain for them must have not been as bad as what I felt) flash forward to today where I got a text to say I've got an appointment next month on the 20th June at a women's health unit in a hospital for a colposcopy I'm shaking with fear after reading that it could turn into an operation

I read the text and pressed confirm but feel sick I've even wondering if I would ever have to get the test done again (I know not everything is done immediately with the NHS so it was only a matter of time before they'd get back to me and provide a rescheduled date) the nurse I had was wonderful at the GP surgery where my doctors are (I've been given rude bad attitudes by the receptionists and can't be bothered mean snide comments by male doctors there in the past so I will only see female nurses/doctors if possible) I have panic attacks sometimes, I've never been put under, or had any operations before

I didn't think a colposcopy was a major thing I just thought it would be another smear test but done in a room at the clinic with more experienced gynaecologists as the nurse told me it would

My pain tolerance is very low I screamed and had a lot of pain and blood after my first smear attempt the second one I braced myself for and tried my best to be brave but couldn't handle it again so I'm frightened the staff at the hospital where I'm being sent might not be so caring or understanding as not everyone has nice kind ways so I've learnt in the NHS at previous encounters (not that I'm being rude or dismissive to those genuine ones who work hard and understand patients needs) I'm just so afraid I might have someone who is barbaric and sees me as a worrying Wendy

Any advice or help would be gratefully appreciated I am trying not to look at YouTube or read NHS website and scare myself into thinking the worst

I'm healthy and active but with pains that come and go in my chest from hockey (painkillers like ibuprofen and paracetamol are temporarily easing the pain) and a mind that tends to overtime I'm nervous about this coloscopy and just want it to be over with but I know it will be at the back of my mind until its actually done

I've got lots planned for the summer and a holiday the week after so hoping the side effects of anything I might be given doesn't ruin that for me

Will they sedate me with gas and air or general anaesthetic? I'd rather have that than local needle in my arm or hand as I will still be conscious and rather be knocked out for it but I know that's time consuming for the staff and I could be there all day/night for a simple procedure I just want to be able to have this test done and ticked off my list but scared of the risks and side effects