I posted a few days ago that I had a large lump on my neck. It has been there for about a month now. A scan was done Thursday night and now there is ‘Cause for Concern’. I have an ENT appt tomorrow (Monday morning). Since hearing this – well, It has been a bad week-end. Thank you for this site for letting me pour out what is in my heart & head. I feel I am being selfish - especially when I have not had the diagnosis yet. So many lovely people on here - all going through their own cancer scares and battles - and here's me 'only' at the stage CFC. It has been such a traumatic week-end I have gone from feeling positive to negative a dozen times a day. I have broken down in heartbreaking sobs and also laughed at something on the TV. I have turned to Dr Google despite telling my self I wouldn't do it any more. It's addictive and I have convinced myself that the enlarged (and it is big) lymph node is the result of cancer raging through my body. This is where I then feel selfish when I think about those people who have been diagnosed with Cancer - and what they are going through. Whereas I am 'just' at the stage - 'is it or isn't it'? My husband is being so supportive and trying to be so upbeat. We are putting in a new kitchen at the moment and before I was told 'cause for concern' we were having fun choosing what floor covering we would have. Since CFC (cause for concern) I cannot think about anything like floor coverings as everything I do now I say to myself 'what is the point'. There is one thing I would like to get off my chest. I had the scan for the lump on my neck done last Thursday evening. Next morning at 9:30 am I was called in by my GP to tell me the result. Now - what this very fast summons in to the GP tells me is that already they know something sinister? Yet surely a scan doesn't tell at that stage it is cancer? The GP used those words CFC and it is those very words that have been ringing in my ears since Friday morning. I already had the appt for the ENT tomorrow morning so I feel I really did not need to know this from the GP with regards to 'there is cause for concern and we feel it is fair to tell you'? All she has done is give me, my husband & children a traumatic week-end. I knew the lump wasn't normal - lumps don't appear on the neck and stay for no reason without something being up. I know it could be a number of things - but to be told what I was by the GP and in a quiet gentle tone and to be asked 'do you have someone with you? Do you have family'? I felt at that point she was handing me a death sentence. So here I am - Sunday afternoon dreading what they will find out at the ENT as I have convinced myself with the GP calling me in so quickly and saying what she said and in the tone she used - that I will be told the very worst possible news tomorrow. I even feel guilty about that as the GP was very nice - but the speed of seeing me and what she said after 'just' seeing a scan has caused, I feel, unnecessary anguish. I knew the lump shouldn't be there and therefore I myself was concerned - hence the visit to the GP in the first place. But with the GP's input so soon after I now feel nothing but despair. The feeling of being selfish looms large – sorry.
