Thank you so so much be good to talk soon x

Thank you billy . I'm still quaking inside but glad I've done something 

if I can stay off google tonight I will have achieved something 

take care

lisa 

Hi Lisa,

Just got to add that it's now over 4 years since that super awful day when I went with my friend to hear the results of an MRI scan. Currently no indication of anything but a lot of life left and oodles of energy which was a long way from what was foretold. Doctors subsequently said the case was unique in their experience. (Diagnosis had been made on the basis of an MRI scan and some other clinical observations.) Maybe miracles do happen occasionally? Who knows! 

I really have learnt to take each day as it comes and try never to waste a moment... 

Am going to be really unpopular if I don't sign off now.

But I didn't want to leave you with any negative thoughts. Will be thinking of you and hoping you get a restful night.

Stay positive! xx

Hi Lisa,

I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband at only 48. It is no wonder that you are panicing when you find this challenging you again. This is a different situation, where you should have more time. Live every day, as best you can. Don't live for the future. Live for the day, or if the day is too much, even live for the hour. Try to build memories whilst your parter is well enough to do so.

I hope that you can avoid consulting 'Dr Google' tonight and, that you get a better night's sleep as a result. Sadly, you won't find that alcohol will sort your worries, but it can lead to depression. The current pandemic is not helping any of us and, many are finding lockdown particularly hard.  Here's hoping that the isolation will soon be over and life can return to normal.

Thinking of you both.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Thank you so much . We have had a big cry tonight and also a nice sit down. 
im really going to try to not google tonight. My other half was googling earlier. I thought it went a bit quiet and when I went to see he was in tears. I found myself telling him not to google because it's so vague etc etc. Hypocrite

or what! Friends have text tonight wanting to talk but I don't really want to at the moment. Just want to be together . I'm still drinking but I realise that is so not helping especially in the morning. Just got to find my way through this .

thank you so much for bring so so kind. You do not know how much it means to me 

thank you 

Hi Lisa,

Have managed to log on quickly before bedtime. Have been thinking about you and hoping you are managing. 

It is good you have had a cry and that you were able to tell your hubby to get off google. I know for certain that google can be wrong (I found the research paper written by the doctors who gave my friend his wrong diagnosis – my friend disproved the research).

I do remember how angry and upset I felt after the hospital appointment. I'd actually been hoping my friend had cancer (which sounds a terrible thing to say especially on a cancer forum as the cancer equivalent would have been brain tumour. Honestly, who's disappointed not to have a brain tumour!) My friend by contrast couldn't deal with the news at all, just kept laughing and dancing home around lampposts. Shock can make people behave very strangely. Or maybe he knew something I didn't and the crazy laughing in the face of an unbearable truth helped overcome something...

Until you speak to the specialist you can't know exactly where you are. Please don't think of the worst case scenarios. Please please try not to go there. It's not a nice place. I really do know that. 

Instead, try and do some good things with hubby before the appointment. Yes, there are going to be times when you cry. That's how it is.

Please try and balance them with moments of joy even among those of sadness.

Please try and sleep tonight. Take care. Lots of hugsx 

Hi Lisa,

There is nothing wrong with crying. It is a great stresss reliever and, you'll find that you both feel better after a good cry. It sounds as if your partner is not as calm about his diagnosis as you seem to think, but having you by his side, will get you both through. We can all be hypocritical about using Google, but it is the natural thing to do. Here's hoping that you can both stay off it until you know more on Thursday.

I'm glad to hear that you have friends who want to talk, but I can understand that you're not ready to chat at the moment. Most people just want to be together until they know exactly what they are facing. Still, don't cut your friends off, as you yourself may well need the support of a friend or two, on darker days.

It is hard enough to cope with life at the moment without adding alcohol into the mix. I know that you don't think that it will ever become a problem, but it's amazing just how easy it is to let it rule your life. Dealing with cancer is enough of a challenge without becoming dependant on alcohol. I am not against you having the occasional drink, but I am the daughter of an alcoholic and, have first hand experience of just how easily it can take hold and, the damage it can cause when you become dependant on it.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi, I've been awake a while now things shifting around but no google. It's not going to tell me my partner can be cured in a flash and that's what I'm hoping for . So I've save some pain and I'm not doing it.

maybe tomorrow or even today can be a good day

thank you

lisa 

Thank you for caring . I honestly can't explain the feeling it gives me to see messages pop up. It's a light in a dark place

im awake again not much chance of sleep with everything buzzing around but I am trying

hope to speak today

lisa x

Hi Lisa,

I'm sorry that you're not managing to sleep again. Well done for steering clear of Google!

I do so hope that today can be a good day.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx