So yesterday was D day, diagnosis. I've started this new thread to cover my treatment, though it's more of a random brain dump today.
Yesterday was a whirl. I guess people deal with it in different ways and for me that meant going into auto-pilot - asking lots of questions, getting all my contact details together and booking my next appointments. I also began the daunting task of reading the inch thick of literature that the lovely breast care nurse provided - and making all those dreaded calls to family and friends.
As I'd already prepared for the worst, I was pretty calm, but it was obvious that those who've been trying to reassure me over the past few weeks ("it'll be OK, it's nothing") were now being hit by the train. My parents cried. My husband cried. I didn't cry. At least not until late that night when I realised I was shaking as I lay in bed trying in vain to get some sleep. I must have been running on adrenaline, but I can feel myself rapidly coming down the other side now.
Doubts have started to creep in. Why wasn't there much info on the pathology report? Why nothing about grade? I've had lots of reassurances that this is a relatively good type of BC to have, if there is such a thing. But what if mine turns out to be different? It's already in at least one lymph node, so that's unusual for a start. I've made a list of questions which runs to 4 pages so far.
I'm meeting the surgeon on Monday and while this feels like a positive step forward I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with the sheer amount of information I have to process in such a short time. Take reconstruction options for example. That leaflet about reconstruction where the options are layed out in a diagram format, like those pictures of cows you see on the wall at the butchers showing all the different cuts of meat. So basically they can whip a bit off various areas of your body such as your back, tummy, bum etc. and make a boob out of it. I can't quite get my head around it yet. I never thought I'd see the day where I was thinking about having some fake boobs fitted. Pfft!
We still haven't told the kids. One of them had a massive meltdown which went on for 2 hours this morning, so it wasn't good timing. Maybe tomorrow.
Brain feels fried. I tried to make coffee and forgot to put the cup under the machine. For some reason I still didn't put the cup under the machine even as I was watching the coffee fill up the drip tray.
My phone keeps pinging and dinging with messages and calls. Some people remain silent though. I get it. Nobody wants to talk about this *** stuff.
Random brain dump over, thanks for listening.
